


lmr

by honeybyun



Category: Unspecified Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-12-18 15:13:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18252419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybyun/pseuds/honeybyun
Summary: a work in progress, but i'm finally back haha i'll make the space format consistent......later





	1. Chapter 1

One.

 

Two.

 

Three deep breaths.

 

 _You can do this,_ Yixing repeats over and over. He glances over to the door and watches random people pass by, waiting for those familiar set of eyes to connect with his own, waiting for a smile or frown to greet him as they meet once more. There’s no broad shoulders or brown mess of hair that shows, only a group of university students and the elderly lady who owns the flower shop down the street, but that’s to be expected when Yixing picked an obscure café, hidden from the main streets of Gangnam and weaved through alleyways.

 

He hasn’t been here much, OddEye always being his top choice, but Sun & Moon is a nice alternative when he wants to be kept away from prying eyes and open ears. It’s a quiet and small place, just the kind of café Yixing needs to keep his head clear and heart calm. The two large windows decorated with bird decals—one with three sleeping chicks guarded by their parents and the second with all five flying in the sky—gives the café a homely touch and matches the inside _very_ well. The tables are wooden and hand painted with different bird species and designs covering the top of each one. They’re a bit too colorful for Yixing’s tastes, or current mood rather, but it’s a unique charm of the café aside from the signature white chocolate mochas. The walls have a few pieces of art, nature themed of course, to match with the atmosphere.

 

Yixing studies one of the paintings on the adjacent table—it’s a red robin, he thinks, building a nest—and then a painting of a lake over on the wall directly across from him. He combs over each and every thing his eyes can see until wall decor and table drawings can no longer keep his mind busy and away from thoughts of Baekhyun.

 

Yixing checks the time and ten minutes from when Baekhyun said he’d show have already passed. The anxious thumping in his chest has Yixing on the edge of his seat, hands running over his jittery thighs. His mind is a mess not knowing what he’ll say, _what Baekhyun will say,_ when it’s been exactly one month since he screwed up his own birthday, exactly two weeks since he caused his own heartbreak. And now after more than a week of messaging Baekhyun, with countless rephrasings of _how are you_ and simple updates on his life, Yixing gets to see and speak to him again. He almost wants to text Baekhyun and say he’s not feeling well, but he knows leaving would be the wrong move. Baekhyun hadn’t replied to a single text until last night, only asking if they could meet as soon as possible. Backing out now would push Baekhyun away.

 

So Yixing stays glued to his seat attempting to stay positive. _Everything will work out,_ he tells himself again and again until he almost believes it. It has to or else Yixing has no idea of where to go from here. He knows he wants Baekhyun in his life, even as friends even if he doesn’t know how to be given their situation. But it should happen that way considering Baekhyun wanted it and so it should mean that Baekhyun and he will be back to normal or something like it. Baekhyun could have even changed his mind about not wanting to be with him. That’s more than likely wishful thinking, but still, Baekhyun actually asked to see him; it must mean something. It’s either that or he has to face the horrible reality of Baekhyun telling him to stop with the texts and wanting nothing to do with him.

 

A million different scenarios run through Yixing’s mind and each one makes him more nervous than the last. He checks the time again to see another ten minutes have passed. _Twenty minutes late._ He checks his phone and there’s a single message from Kyungsoo saying he switched shifts with Nayeon and nothing more.

 

_He’s not going to show._

 

Yixing didn’t expect this outcome, but maybe he should have. Maybe this was just some weird plan to keep him hooked and Baekhyun doesn’t need him like he claimed he did. And it’s okay because Yixing isn’t entirely sure he was ready to see Baekhyun after being rejected. Maybe this is another sign that he needs to get himself together before he even thinks about meeting with Baekhyun again.

 

It’s okay. _Really._ So Yixing gets up and walks over to the counter to apologize for not ordering because, _‘my friend never showed.’_ The barista—Taeil, the nametag reads—says it’s fine and wishes him a good day. Yixing then heads towards the exit. He’s only a few steps away from pushing the door open when the door jingles and Baekhyun walks in. Yixing is left breathless.

 

“Sorry I’m late,” Baekhyun says, voice slightly breathy and cheeks flushed pink when he approaches Yixing. “Had to take care of a last minute thing with an author.”

 

“It’s fine,” Yixing chokes out and Yixing hates how hard it is to speak just by being in Baekhyun’s presence for less than a minute. He quickly returns to the table he just left; Baekhyun follows.

 

Baekhyun takes off his coat and hangs it on the back of the chair opposite of where Yixing stands. “I’m going to order and then we’ll talk?”

 

Yixing nods and watches Baekhyun every step until he reaches the counter. He then sits with a sigh, regretting having responded to Baekhyun’s message last night. Telling himself that he would be okay and could get through this was one thing, but now being here with Baekhyun in person is too difficult to handle. His mind is a jumbled mess of fear and anxiety with the _faintest_ bit of hope. His body feels as if it’s going weak and numb again. He shouldn’t have said a thing and left Baekhyun wondering why. He never stays friends with an ex and Baekhyun is kind of like one so he doesn’t understand why he’s making an exception now of all times. If he doesn’t get out of here soon, Yixing’s sure he’ll spill what little he had to eat over the table.

 

But no. That wouldn’t be right.

 

_You have to stay._

 

It would be a waste to have Baekhyun come out here for nothing. It would be a waste for himself if he didn’t at least speak to Baekhyun to start getting over him for good even if he feels like he could break at any moment. _You’re not a child; you can get through this._ Plus, Yixing has told himself repeatedly that he still needs Baekhyun in his life. This isn’t his first heartbreak and possibly not the last. _You can do this._

 

It takes a few minutes for Baekhyun to return with a smoothie and plated muffin in hand. “So, how’ve you been?” Baekhyun asks once he’s settled in enough.

 

The question barely registers; Yixing too focused on Baekhyun’s neck and the reddish-purple mark, or _marks_ rather, that dot the base. Yixing wonders if the low cut shirt was intentional or not. He doesn’t remember Baekhyun ever wearing any. He does however recall Baekhyun complaining about his own attire and asking ‘ _Yixing don’t you own anything other than V-necks so I can properly mark you?’_ one too many times. Baekhyun has to repeat his question for a second time in order for Yixing to respond with a short, “Alright.” It takes more than a minute for Yixing to gain some semblance of composure and ask a quiet, “What about you?” in return.

 

“Good, I guess,” Baekhyun shrugs and Yixing tries not to let such a simple answer get to him. He should be happy Baekhyun is doing just fine, that he sounds like nothing is bothering him.

 

“That’s good,” is all Yixing can manage to say.

 

“You aren’t going to order anything?” Baekhyun asks as he points to the empty space in front of Yixing and drinks down a little of his smoothie.

 

“No I”— _can’t stomach anything right now_ —“I’m fine.”

 

“You sure? I can go order something for you,” he offers.

 

“No, really, I’m okay.” _I want to get this over with as soon as possible._

 

Baekhyun doesn’t ask anything after and Yixing doesn’t bother to speak. Instead, he avoids eye contact as much as possible and watches as Baekhyun slowly eats his muffin, bit by bit, and sips on his smoothie. Yixing doesn’t remember them being this awkward with each other. Even the day they met was better than this. It stings a little that neither of them are speaking when it used to be so natural.

 

When Baekhyun finishes his muffin, he still chooses to not say anything and just folds his arms across each other to rest on the table after he sets his plate aside. He pouts and it’s obvious that Baekhyun is waiting for him to say something first. It isn’t ideal; he’d rather Baekhyun lead their entire conversation, but Yixing can’t sit and wait for Baekhyun to talk even though he was the one who asked to meet up today. Yixing _has_ to get this over with if he wants to move on.

 

“What made you reply after not saying anything?” Yixing asks, wanting to get straight to the point.

 

Baekhyun’s brow furrows and he flattens his lips together. He then drinks a bit of his smoothie and it feels like Yixing is waiting forever until Baekhyun finally, _stiffly,_ says, “Because I needed time to think about you, about us.” Baekhyun pauses to take another sip of his smoothie and continues, “I wasn’t sure if not being with you was right thing to do for myself.”

 

Yixing’s eyes instantly connect with Baekhyun’s, heart beating from dread or hope; he isn’t sure which. He asks, nervously, “And was it?”

 

“Yes,” Baekhyun says without hesitation and Yixing’s heart drops. His chest feels all too tight and he hates how confident Baekhyun sounds with one little word when it hasn’t been that long since that day. Then again, Baekhyun has had a longer time to process things and come to the decision that they shouldn’t even try to make things work before they last met. Yixing is ready to ask more, to ask _why,_ when Baekhyun speaks again. “But despite us not working out romantically, we should still be friends. If you want that, I mean.”

 

Yixing sits back, closing his eyes and trying to process what Baekhyun just said. The words seemed rehearsed, like Baekhyun’s practiced them a thousand times before he arrived. If he had enough patience to practice then he really does mean every single one.

 

“You still want us to be friends? Just friends?” Yixing asks to be sure and Baekhyun nods. _It’s really over,_ is the only thought that crosses his mind, unable to wrap his mind around anything else. It’s expected, but still comes as a surprise and Yixing now wonders what he himself should do. He can say a million times over in his head that being friends is fine, no big deal, but to actually do it, Yixing knows it’ll be difficult. He doesn’t know how to be friends with someone who broke his heart, but his entire relationship with Baekhyun has always been different from the rest so Yixing finds himself carefully saying,  “I—okay.”

 

“Okay?” Baekhyun questions with a tilt of his head.

 

“Okay we can try to be friends,” he clarifies.

 

Baekhyun is quick to rush out, “Just _try?_ Yixing, I want—” but then suddenly stops speaking. He worries his bottom lip and the disappointment with each word said can’t be missed.

 

Yixing doesn’t recall a time where Baekhyun has ever sounded so small. Even with his few words jumbled and blurring together, it’s hard to ignore how easy it is to see through Baekhyun, that he really wants them to work as friends. But Yixing doesn’t know if he can fully give him that. _Trying_ is the best thing he can do at this point.

 

When far too long passes and Baekhyun looks between a mix of sad and frustrated, Yixing finally says, “I—we’re okay. We’re still friends for long as you’ll have me around.” It makes things seem more one-sided, pushing their friendship to rely on Baekhyun to last, but the current Yixing is too muddled with different emotions on how to feel about the whole thing. Caring for friendship to work has to be on Baekhyun, at least for now.

 

The tension eases out of Baekhyun’s face and he gets out, “Why wouldn’t I want you in my life? We screwed things up romantically, but I think we make good friends. We _are_ good friends,” so softly that it makes Yixing want to melt and cry at the same time. “So it’s fine if we call and text like we used to. Just no sex.”

 

“Right,” Yixing sighs, noticing his own voice lowering to match the tone of Baekhyun’s.

 

“But maybe we should also stick to hanging out outside of our apartments for now,” he suggests. “You know, too many memories.” Yixing wonders if too many memories means Baekhyun can’t stand the thought of going to a place where laughing, eating, fucking, _just being with each other_ came to mean so much more than they intended. Whatever the reason, it’s disappointing that not even their own apartments are a safe place for them, but Baekhyun is right. “So we should focus on making new ones. As friends. Until we’re comfortable enough.”

 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Yixing says with a nod and then checks his phone for no reason but to pretend he’s busy. And now that he and Baekhyun have sorted things out enough to where he knows where he stands in Baekhyun’s life. It’s time to leave. “I should get going,” Yixing starts as he gets up. “I haven’t had lunch yet and I’m going into work.” He doesn’t mention that he doesn’t need to be at the restaurant until this evening.

 

Baekhyun finishes off his drink and stands along with Yixing, putting on his coat right after. They then leave the café to stand off to the side of the entrance to not block anyone from entering or exiting Sun & Moon. Yixing stares at one of the bird decals on the window so he won’t have to look at Baekhyun when either of them are ready to say goodbye.

 

After a minute goes by, Baekhyun stutters through a, “We could, um, get lunch together. If you want.” Yixing is baffled by Baekhyun’s words, wondering why he’d even suggest it when being in the café was suffocating enough. And it clearly must show on his face because Baekhyun hurriedly follows up with, “I finally get to see you and all I get is barely twenty minutes? Yixing please,” and extends his arm out to grab Yixing’s hand, but Yixing is fast to take a step back out of his reach. He thinks he hears a small whine from Baekhyun. “Yixing, say something.”

 

Yixing doesn’t want lunch with Baekhyun; he wants to leave and distract himself with eating by himself or work or anything that will get his mind off of Baekhyun being fine without him. But, but deep down he knows he needs this. He needs to get used to them hanging out with no meaning attached. He’d be forcing himself, but who knows what’ll happen if he doesn’t agree. Yixing stops thinking about himself to focus his attention back on Baekhyun. He’s still speaking.

 

“—so please. I’ve missed you, Yixing and I want—”

 

“Are you sure?” Yixing asks when he cuts Baekhyun off.

 

Baekhyun instantly relaxes and says, “I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t. Let’s go.” Baekhyun reaches out again, but quickly drops his hand and turns to start walking.

 

Yixing follows a few steps Baekhyun, continuing to overthink with thoughts of why Baekhyun would want him around. He’s confident Baekhyun doesn’t like him in the romantic sense anymore, not when it’s only been two weeks and Baekhyun has gone from _I still want you_ to _we make good friends_ all too happily. And sure, he said he needed time to think things over, but it’s still weird. He’s already let Baekhyun down so much and if he was in Baekhyun’s position, Yixing wouldn’t be so hell-bent on trying to be friends with someone like himself. He huffs, trying to shake all negative thoughts.

 

Eventually, their walk leads them to Kong Bul. It’s not too busy, the rush hour just starting to settle in, and they easily find a seat at a table near the back wall close to the kitchen. Baekhyun orders for them—the traditional kong bul with extra cheese and udong noodles—and nothing is said as the server places their side dishes and water onto the table. Conversation only begins minutes after their main dish is placed onto the grill.

 

“So, how’ve you really been?” Baekhyun asks when their server leaves. He picks up a piece of kimchi to chew on as he says, “I just kind of skipped through your messages unless there was a pic.”

 

 _No wonder he never responded,_ Yixing thinks as he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He doesn’t know whether to be offended or not by Baekhyun not even bothering to read his messages, but he still answers with a reserved, “I’ve been keeping busy with the restaurant for the most part,” and pours himself some water to sip on. Baekhyun looks expectantly at his own cup and Yixing fills it up as well. “You?” he asks in return despite not wanting to and would rather remain in silence. He needs to get used to casual conversation between them both.

 

“Same with work.” Baekhyun then follows up with, “What about Pepsi?”

 

“She’s fine. Still playful,” Yixing says, finding it a lot easier to talk about anything but his feelings and Baekhyun. “Lately, she’s had to stay over at Nayeon’s place since I’ve been so busy.”

 

“Who’s Nayeon?” Baekhyun asks, puzzled expression on his face

 

“I never told you?” Yixing asks in return, shocked it’s never come up or that Baekhyun didn’t notice Pepsi missing a few times. Baekhyun must have not paid much attention as Yixing originally thought. “She and her roommate Jihyo live in the apartment down the hall and watch her when I get too busy.” Yixing doesn’t mention that she also works at his restaurant.

 

“Ah,” Baekhyun yawns and their quiet chatter stalls until their server comes back to continue cooking their food. As soon as the server leaves, Baekhyun asks, “So, um, no interesting stories to tell?”

 

“Not really,” Yixing says, not really in the mood to continue talking any further. Besides, if Baekhyun was curious about his life, he would have at least read the messages, right?

 

Their conversation ceases until their food is finished cooking and both Yixing and Baekhyun have eaten a few bites.

 

“You’re not going to ask how I’ve been?” Baekhyun asks around a mouthful of food. Yixing is ready to say he already did before the conversation turned into small updates on his life, but decides against it.

 

“You seem to be doing well,” Yixing says and Baekhyun’s nose scrunches. His eyes automatically find their way to Baekhyun’s neck for the nth time today. Yixing thinks he’s stared more at the marks on his neck than directly at Baekhyun.

 

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks. Yixing then pats his own neck and it makes Baekhyun mimic the action and skim his fingers across the base when realization hits. “Oh. It’s not—we didn’t go that far. It was only kissing.” _Only kissing._ Only kissing could apply to that specific mark and person. There could have been others; there will be others in the months to come if Baekhyun’s past with Chanyeol is any indication. He has to get used to this and Baekhyun shouldn’t spare his feelings. “You don’t believe me,” Baekhyun says and his lips turn downward.

 

“Never said I didn’t.”

 

“You didn’t have to.” Baekhyun puts down his chopsticks and folds his arms on the table, all his attention directly focused on Yixing now. “Swear I didn’t. Not with anyone.”

 

 _Not yet._ Yixing sighs, “Doesn’t matter what I think.” Yixing then takes out his phone, intent on texting Fei. “It isn’t like it matters either way. We’re never fucking again.”

 

“But, I don’t want you thinking—” Baekhyun doesn’t finish and lets out an irritated groan.

 

“Thinking what?” Yixing asks. Baekhyun doesn’t answer right away and Yixing uses the time to message Fei to tell her that he’s coming into work earlier than planned so she can leave early if she’d like. He needs the distraction.

 

Baekhyun then mumbles just loud enough for Yixing to hear, “That this is easy for me.” Yixing looks up from his phone and pockets it. It’s hard to believe that this is anything but easy when Baekhyun seems so self-assured with every action, even if he has been quieter today than he normally would be. “I’m just—I don’t know.”

 

Yixing doesn’t respond and instead focuses on eating slowly; Baekhyun doesn’t speak any further and does the same.

 

The rest of lunch is spent in a stifling silence, Yixing noticing Baekhyun eating with his head down and only glancing up every so often as if he wants to say something but doesn’t. It makes Yixing feel a little remorseful for his behavior, but he finds it hard to care at the moment when he has to interact with someone who broke his heart. It’s a lot harder than he originally thought and Yixing doesn’t know how to keep his emotions in check, not now when all he really feels is a slight bitterness towards Baekhyun.

 

Soon, Yixing stops eating and so does Baekhyun a minute later even though a third of their food remains. Yixing is quick to get up and pay for their meal, not bothering to wait for Baekhyun to put on his coat or make sure he isn’t leaving his phone or wallet behind. He does, however, stand outside close to the exit so he can at least give a proper goodbye.

 

“You left me,” Baekhyun huffs when he stands in front of Yixing.

 

“Sorry,” Yixing says, not really knowing if it’s genuine or not. It’s probably not. “Well, I have to get going for work. I’ll see you later.”

 

“I can walk with you,” Baekhyun offers. “I’ve got an hour to spare until I have to meet up with my author from earlier.”

 

Yixing should say no, that he can’t handle being around Baekhyun anymore today. Spending lunch together was enough; hell even their small meet at the café was enough. But Yixing knows he’s been kind of rude and standoffish. _It’s just a walk._ It isn’t like he’ll be paying much attention to Baekhyun when he has to focus on getting through mini crowds of people and crossing streets.

 

“Let’s go,” Yixing says and starts to take off.

 

It shouldn’t come as a surprise when Baekhyun begins walking right beside him without any sort of personal space, but somehow it does and Yixing contemplates picking up the pace just a little. But it would be pointless, knowing Baekhyun would catch up anyhow. So he sticks by Baekhyun’s side the entire walk to Unicorn, thinking of different ways to tell Baekhyun that he thinks it’s best if they stuck to only texts and _maybe_ calling each other for now without upsetting him even further. Today was rough, to say the least, and Yixing can’t see the near future being any better.

 

Soon they arrive at the back entrance of Unicorn, the heavy silence from their walk still too thick in the air all, too stiff for comfort. Yixing tries to think of how to say goodbye. _I’ll text later? Can we stick to messaging for now?_ It feels like a million options are on the table for better or worse. But Yixing doesn’t have time to mull over it any longer; Baekhyun starts to speak.

 

“Did you, um, maybe want to hang out next weekend?” Baekhyun asks nervously, the last of his words coming out with a slight stutter.

 

And Yixing is taken aback by Baekhyun even _wanting_ to see him next week considering how awkward today was. If they can’t manage to get through a single conversation now, he can’t imagine that changing over the course of a week. And Yixing knows that it’s only going to get harder when he sees Baekhyun moving on way before it gets better for himself. After today, he knows now that he’d rather go a few days, weeks—or months—of not seeing Baekhyun in person. Plenty of friendships survive on texts alone.

 

“You want me to be honest?” Yixing questions right back, somber tone to his voice. Baekhyun nods, though hesitantly. “I don’t know if I should be forcing myself to face you right now.” Baekhyun’s mouth drops and he walks closer into Yixing’s personal space, making the chef take a few steps back. Baekhyun’s frown only grows deeper. “I thought that this wouldn’t be hard, but seeing you move on so easily—”

 

“Yixing, I’m not—I meant what I said earlier,” Baekhyun interrupts, voice clearly frustrated. Then weakly, quietly Baekhyun says, “Don’t, don’t brush off my feelings,” as he reaches out to hold Yixing by the tip of his fingers. “This isn’t easy for me _at all._ ”

 

Yixing stares down at their hands and apologizes with an, “I’m sorry,” and speaks no further.

 

But Yixing doesn’t have to, not when Baekhyun’s hands come to inch their way up his back before he’s being fully locked, fully embraced by Baekhyun’s arms. Yixing wants to laugh, to cry about how foreign it feels to have Baekhyun hold him so close.

 

Baekhyun hooks his chin over Yixing’s shoulder and whispers just loud enough for Yixing to hear, “I lied when I said I said I didn’t read a thing. I read every single one just so I’d know you still wanted anything to do with me.” He feels Baekhyun’s grip on his back tighten as the shock from Baekhyun’s words sink in. _Baekhyun lied; but why?_ “I’m scared, Yixing.” Baekhyun pulls back so he faces Yixing, but doesn’t let go. Yixing wonders what Baekhyun could be afraid of when the countless messages should prove he still wants to keep some form of contact. Yixing forces himself to look at Baekhyun when he explains, “You’ve been texting me all this time, but for the last few days they didn’t come as often and then yesterday, I didn’t get anything at all.”

 

For a second, Yixing wishes he could say that it was accidental, that he didn’t mean to drop contact so fast, but it would be far from the truth. He _had_ lost hope that Baekhyun wanted anything to do with him when all he kept seeing were read messages and no reply. There was no point in trying and he nearly gave up until yesterday.

 

Baekhyun starts to ramble, “It just reminded me of how you don’t stay friends with your exes so I panicked even though I wasn’t ready to see or talk to you and asked to meet up.” Baekhyun averts his eyes when he says, “We haven’t even known each other for that long and you shouldn’t be this important to me”—Yixing’s chest feels all too tight and he wants to run, but his feet stay cemented to the ground. He needs to hear whatever else Baekhyun has to say. He needs to let his heart break again to heal itself later—“but you are. And I still want you, _but_ I need us to be friends because I can’t handle anything more, not from you, not when we already screwed up so much before anything could really begin. And I feel like if I don’t force this, then I’ll end up losing you. ”

 

Yixing keeps his hands to his sides, resisting the urge to pull Baekhyun in impossibly close and reassure him that he’s still here. When Yixing remains silent, Baekhyun’s nose wrinkles and the only thing Yixing can think of to ask is, “What’s wrong?”

 

Baekhyun sucks on his bottom lip and with a deep sigh says, “Nothing,” until Yixing’s eyes are asking for more. “It’s just—I don’t know how I should act around you.” That’s shocking to say the least. While Baekhyun may claim to still want him, he has appeared confident in knowing what he wants for the both of them while Yixing can’t even carry a conversation without his stomach flipping from one too many emotions. He goes on, “You barely want to speak to me. And I feel like it’s all my fault for how we turned out.”

 

Given the circumstances, Yixing can see why Baekhyun would blame himself, but saying all fault lies on him is far from the truth. “Don’t be silly,” Yixing says, slight laughter to his voice, and cups Baekhyun’s cheek for the briefest of seconds before dropping his hand. Baekhyun stares with wide eyes. He hates to admit it, but continues with a sigh, “Don’t feel guilty over it—us. It was—I could have done things differently too. A lot of things. So don’t overthink too much when I have fault in this too. More than you.”

 

Baekhyun nods stiffly and then asks timidly, “Then do you regret being involved with me?”

 

“I don’t regret meeting you,” Yixing answers after some thought. “I just hate how easy it is for me to fall in love.” Yixing debates whether his next thought should be said aloud, but not being honest got them into this mess in the first place. “I just kind of wish I made different choices so I wouldn’t have ended up in love with you.”

 

Baekhyun’s mouth droops open, but not a single word comes out. There could be a hundred reasons why for the reaction, but Yixing doesn’t put much thought into it. Instead he thinks of himself and how he wishes he never let Baekhyun come into his apartment soaking wet from the rain. He wishes he would have easily given in and just fucked Baekhyun senseless like he wanted from the beginning. He wishes he would have continued going on dates. He wishes he never invited Baekhyun to stay over for the holiday. He wishes he never agreed to meet Baekhyun on the eve of his birthday. For someone who rarely regrets his decisions, Yixing wishes he could have made a million different choices when it came to Baekhyun. Then he wouldn’t be stuck here trying to mend his own heart _and_ them. They could have, _should have_ remained only friends.

 

“Then what do you want from me when you can hardly say a single word?” Baekhyun asks as he lets go of Yixing, only to grab Yixing’s hands to lace their fingers together. Yixing wonders if he should tell Baekhyun he wants to try and make them work, that he already thinks the world of Baekhyun and only needs to be given a chance to prove it. But then again, Baekhyun has shown he doesn’t want anything more but to be his friend. If Baekhyun wanted him, he wouldn’t have practiced his words; he wouldn’t keep iterating over and over how they’re better off as friends. He knows, deep down, it’s what Baekhyun wants and Yixing would be foolish to deny him that and force them together. A few long seconds tick by, before Baekhyun is softly asking, “What should we do?”

 

“I’m really not used to being friends with—I don’t know what to call what we had,” Yixing answers.

 

“We were—nothing I think of feels right,” Baekhyun mutters and Yixing nods his head in agreement, unsure if they’ll ever find a proper way to describe what they had, but it’s not like it matters now anyway. “But we can make us work, right? We can be friends.”

 

The way Baekhyun is practically begging for reassurance of their friendship being somewhat intact has Yixing letting go of the younger’s hands to fully embrace him in a hug. “I’m not used to it, but we’ll try. We’ll make this work.”

 

“Really?” Baekhyun smiles, though small, and Yixing hums.

 

“I should head inside,” Yixing says, wanting to end their conversation. Baekhyun nods as Yixing untwines himself from the younger. “And you should find somewhere warm to sit while you wait to meet with your author. Your nose is getting red.” Yixing uses the opportunity to zip Baekhyun’s jacket all the way up.

 

“I will. Can I see you next weekend or do we need more time?”

 

“I think it’ll help the both of us if we waited a bit,” Yixing says, a bit forcefully and steps closer to the restaurant’s back door. Baekhyun opens his mouth as if he’s about to protest, but backs down mere seconds later. “I should go.”

 

“Okay,” Baekhyun whispers and then grabs onto the hem of Yixing’s sleeve, pulling him back. “But, can I ask you one more thing?” Yixing nods and then hesitantly, Baekhyun steps in close, fanning out his hand to thread his fingers with Yixing’s. Baekhyun locks his gaze with Yixing’s for what feels like the longest of seconds and Yixing wonders if that’s Baekhyun’s or his own heart beating erratically. Then their forehands come to touch and Baekhyun softly whispers right against Yixing’s lips, “Can I—is it okay if—can I be selfish for a minute?” Yixing fully aware of what Baekhyun wants, presses his lips flat together, wondering why Baekhyun would ask this of him knowing he’s still hurting over something that will never happen.

 

And yet, Yixing doesn’t give a verbal response and makes the first move to press his lips against Baekhyun’s. Yixing shouldn’t have given in, knowing that all this will lead to is him torturing himself over what could have been, but resisting Baekhyun is hard to do when he knows this the last time he’ll ever have Baekhyun this way. It’s the closure they both need. So Yixing kisses Baekhyun gently, hesitantly like it’s their first kiss all over again. Baekhyun slips his free hand to Yixing’s neck to smooth his thumb along the skin just below his ear and bring his face a little closer. The small action instantly has Yixing wrapping an arm around Baekhyun’s waist to tug him right against him.

 

Their kiss remains innocent until Yixing pulls back and takes one good look at Baekhyun—eyes dazed and lips parted—and dives right back in. Baekhyun’s arms come to loop around his neck as Yixing’s hands hold Baekhyun at his waist. This time, it’s less careful and soft and more desperate and rough as Yixing presses Baekhyun against the door and licks into his mouth. Yixing’s head spins with too many emotions washing over at once. It’s dizzying, terrifying, and Yixing _should_ stop yet he can’t get enough and Baekhyun doesn’t seem to have any intentions of ending this any time soon when he catches Yixing’s bottom lip between his teeth when Yixing shows the slightest hint of pulling away.

 

It isn’t until minutes upon minutes go by and Yixing cups Baekhyun’s face that he begins to slow everything down, his fingertips wet. Their kisses become unhurried and brief pecks until their lips still and Yixing can hear Baekhyun fail to hold in his sniffles. Yixing doesn’t dare look at Baekhyun in fear of breaking down as well and instead hugs him tight, lightly swaying them back and forth.

 

“We’re still friends; I’m still here, Baekhyun,” Yixing mutters against Baekhyun’s temple.

 

“I know,” Baekhyun sighs out. “I’m just—sad. Again.”

 

“Promise I’ll text you later,” Yixing says in efforts to show that he’s serious about making their new relationship work. “We’ll talk more then.” Yixing’s sure many unsaid words remain, but they can get to that when they aren’t standing outside in the cold.

 

Baekhyun frowns, “Call me. No matter what time.” Yixing nods at his new promise. Yixing stands there unsure if he should say goodbye or see you later until Baekhyun says, “You should get going before you’re late,” and wipes at his eyes.

 

As much as he hates to, Yixing finds the strength to press the in the code to unlock the back door and holds it open. He then opts for a tiny smile and wave to give Baekhyun, who stays motionless where he stands. Yixing leaves, knowing time apart is the right decision for them both, one he needs to stay firm on. Now all he can do is move forward, they both can. Yixing hurries off to his office, setting a reminder in his phone to keep his word to Baekhyun.


	2. Chapter 2

It was _too long_ of a night with way too many shots being handed out left and right. Luckily for Yixing, he never downed his first; he only lightly sipped on his shot glass while his friends took one after the other. Friends like Kyungsoo who lay on his couch and groans when Yixing opens the blinds to the balcony. Kyungsoo then rolls over onto his side to face the back of the couch, effectively blocking the sunlight. Well, almost.

 

Yixing doesn’t have a hangover, but he is absolutely _exhausted_ from staying out so late. He knows he shouldn’t have gone out when work has been brutal this past week, but he just needed to relax. And who was he to say no to a tipsy Hakyeon (and unfortunately a giggling Lu Han tagging along as well) at his door, so he let himself be dragged out his apartment and to some club. Now, regret is the only thing that comes to mind when he thinks about how much he needs to sleep. He then drags himself to the kitchen to grab water and aspirin for Kyungsoo and then back out to stand in front of his friend. He nudges his friend on the shoulder and Kyungsoo sluggishly lifts himself up to sit properly on the couch. Yixing joins him.

 

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo mumbles as he takes the glass and aspirin from Yixing’s hands and then quickly swallows the pills down. He sets the glass down on the coffee table and slouches against Yixing’s side. “I don’t know why I drink.”

 

“Because you like it,” Yixing sings and Kyungsoo pinches his side. “Ow,” he whines then follows up with, “Are you good?”

 

“My head hurts.”

 

“I know,” Yixing says as Kyungsoo maneuvers himself to lie with his head in Yixing’s lap. “I did try to get you to stop though.” Yixing begins to comb his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair.

 

After a few minutes pass, Kyungsoo turns and yawns, “It was fun,” against Yixing’s stomach. “But I don’t think I’ll make it through the day.”

 

Yixing snickers. “You say that, but you’ll be running around no problem in a few hours.” He knows Kyungsoo always manages to recover fast, rarely needing the entire day to rest and take it easy.

 

“I doubt that,” Kyungsoo groans. “I have dance practice at the company today.”

 

“Try to take it easy.”

 

Kyungsoo only hums in response. Minutes go by before Kyungsoo is speaking again. “But did you have fun?”

 

“Yes, but I’m tired,” Yixing answers.

 

“I still think you should have gone home with that guy instead of worrying over me.”

 

 _Knew he’d bring this up._ Yixing yawns before peering down at Kyungsoo. “I’d rather you make it home safely over me getting fucked.” The stranger was friendly and handsome and could have been a decent fuck, sure, but Yixing knew he wasn’t ready to sleep around. Not yet. Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow and a lopsided smile forms on his face. “What?”

 

“Or you just didn’t want to go home with him and used me as an excuse,” he says, thoughtfully. Ah, Kyungsoo knows him well. “Eventually, you’ll find someone else.” _Too well._

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yixing mutters when he flops back into the couch. “I liked it more when you were moaning about being hungover.”

 

“Sure, sure,” is all Kyungsoo says and nothing more. Yixing is more than grateful his friend doesn’t push and pry for anything else. “Let’s make me breakfast.”

 

“Alright. Any requests?” Yixing asks.

 

“Just food,” Kyungsoo yawns as Yixing slips from under him and then places a pillow underneath his head.

 

Yixing ends up feeding Kyungsoo leftover chicken and rice soup he made yesterday, too lazy to cook anything from scratch considering he already does it on a daily basis for a living. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to mind as he gulps down spoonful after spoonful of his meal and even asks for seconds. Lunch is nearly done as they continue to talk about restaurant rumors.

 

“But apparently he said he was going to quit during the afternoon rush on his next shift,” Kyungsoo informs, talking into his cup of water before he takes a sip.

 

“Really?” Yixing asks, completely shocked Minkyu of all employees would be so petty. He’s lucky he hadn’t been fired already. Kyungsoo hums around a mouthful of soup. “Well, I’ll see if Nayeon or Jaemin can come in on Tuesday just in case.”

 

“You remember his shift?”

 

“I make the schedule, Kyungsoo,” Yixing points out and finishes off his grape juice. He then gets up to place his bowl into the sink and heads to the fridge to grab more juice. After he fills his cup, he returns to the table, Kyungsoo’s eyes heavy on him. “What?”

 

“White grape juice? Since when do you drink that?” Kyungsoo asks.

 

“Just wanted to try something different,” Yixing lies. Buying it because of Baekhyun had become a habit, one he can’t quite shake just yet. Maybe one day he’ll confess he picks it up automatically whenever he’s in the juice aisle because of him.

 

Just as Yixing is about to ask Kyungsoo what time he has training today, a KaTalk notification goes off on his phone. He opens the app and groans when it’s Baekhyun’s name he sees. Yixing quickly reads, _come meet me outside my place and let’s do breakfast for lunch?,_ a few times before placing the device back on the table and sighing. He had been denying Baekhyun’s requests to meet up for the past few weeks, only responding to texts and a couple of phone calls. It really shouldn't hurt to see him for an hour or two. A few weeks is more than enough time to have better control over his emotions, he reasons. Yixing sends a, _yeah. 2:30 good with you…,_ in reply.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asks before he’s eating what little remains of his soup. “Did something happen at Unicorn?”

 

“No,” Yixing groans once more. “Baekhyun wants lunch.”

 

Kyungsoo squints and pushes his bowl off to the side. Yixing sees a lecture from his friend coming in the very near future. “You could say no,” Kyungsoo calmly says. “You’re not obligated to do anything with him until you’re ready.” Yixing is well aware, but it’s hard to say no to Baekhyun especially when their relationship feels so fragile and he’s been avoiding him.

 

“I know, it’s just—hard,” Yixing sighs. But Yixing’s sure it’d be a little less difficult if he gave up on the possibility of Baekhyun changing his mind. “I promised I would catch him in person soon.”

 

“Promised or just said you would?”

 

“Same difference.”

 

“But do you actually want to?” Kyungsoo questions, making Yixing second guess himself.

 

“Kind of? It wouldn’t hurt at all,” Yixing says and Kyungsoo eyes him skeptically; Yixing relents. “Okay, it would a little, but I feel better after the last time. Talking to him is a little easier.”

 

“You sure?” Kyungsoo still questions; he still doesn’t believe him.

 

“It was therapeutic?” Yixing admits, though uncertain of his word choice, but a smile and nod from his friend gives him encouragement to continue. “Yeah, so I think today might help too.” Their last meeting was rough to say the least, but it was needed. After losing himself in work and taking a hot shower when he got home, Yixing kind of felt like their relationship was heading in the right direction, even if slightly forced. Then they had talked later, _really talked_ about their entire relationship and the mistakes they both made. It ended with them in tears but Yixing realized it actually _felt good_ to get his thoughts out to Baekhyun once the anger at himself subsided for a while. All that’s left is to fall out of love with Baekhyun.

 

Kyungsoo sucks on his teeth and says, “If it’ll make you happy then go,” thoughtfully yet carelessly. Kyungsoo probably still thinks he’d be better off staying at home. “But remember to give yourself some space.”

 

“I think seeing him in person helps kill all hope we’ll ever work out,” he frowns. “Especially if he keeps showing up with hickeys on his neck. I’m not planning to stay for that long anyway.” Despite how much he wants to see Baekhyun, Yixing can only handle him in small doses.

 

“You'll be alright,” Kyungsoo comforts, voice gentle, as he gets up to place his bowl and cup into the sink. He then walks over to Yixing to squeeze his shoulder lightly. “And then you’ll be able to happily introduce me to the next person you fall in love with.”

 

“I was really happy on my birthday,” Yixing softly lets out. A sudden wave of bitterness fills his head and Kyungsoo wraps his arms securely around Yixing who whispers _thanks_ in return.

 

“I know. I wanted to meet him properly too,” Kyungsoo says then lets go of Yixing to sit back down. “Lu Han is still a dick for that. Did he ever apologize?”

 

Yixing scoffs at the mere thought of Lu Han. “Not really. We haven’t spoken of it aside from that day he slipped up.” The only other instance where it was brought up was last night at the club. Lu Han slurred a quick, ‘ _That Baekhyun thing, we good? ‘Kay bye,’_ and stumbled off before Yixing could respond. “I guess he felt the busted lip was enough.”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Still needs to use words.”

 

“I know. He hasn’t spoken to me much anyway.” It’s not like he’s been seeking Lu Han out anyway. He’d rather avoid his friend for the time being. “But enough about this?”

 

Kyungsoo gives Yixing a tiny grin and changes the subject to a new recipe he wants to try. After an hour filled with cooking tips and recipe exchanges passes, Kyungsoo decides it’s time for him to leave.

 

When Kyungsoo has both shoes on he says, “I forgot to mention I may need to quit.”

 

That catches Yixing off guard. “Why?” Yixing asks. Losing a great employee who happens to be a friend is not what he needs right now. Even quite a few customers would be sad over this and now he has to think about hiring someone new who might not be a suitable replacement.

 

“The company is thinking of debuting a group soon,” Kyungsoo starts to explain, “and you know I’m one of the top trainees right?”

 

Yixing nods. “How long will this take?”

 

“They said they’ll be picking the final lineup over the next few months. And then if I make it, we’ll work on our debut album, which means I’ll quit then.” At least that gives him a while to decide if hiring someone new is beneficial or not. Kyungsoo pokes Yixing’s dimple. “Not happy?”

 

“It’s just—a little sad,” Yixing answers.

 

“I’ll still be around. Just a little more busy if I make it.”

 

“What do you mean _if_ Kyungsoo? Of course you’ll make it! Your voice alone makes it a done deal,” Yixing half-shouts as he playfully shoves Kyungsoo who in return pushes Yixing back in the same manner. “Then I get to plan a party for you.”

 

“You don’t know that. Singing isn’t the only thing I need and I still need to improve on that.”

 

“Kyungsoo, you’re a really amazing singer,” Yixing praises sincerely with a gentle smile, “one of my favorite voices _ever_ , so I know you’ll make it.” Kyungsoo looks down at the ground and Yixing sees his cheeks flush red. “Plus you’re a hard worker and you _do_ have a sense of rhythm. You could probably act if you wanted to. They’d be stupid not to pick you.”

 

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says and envelopes Yixing into a hug that Yixing reciprocates. They stand in the doorway for a good minute until Kyungsoo lets go. “I’ll get going so you can run off to Baekhyun.”

 

“Hey,” Yixing whines. “I’m not—” Yixing doesn’t finish his sentence, knowing it would be an outright lie.

 

Kyungsoo laughs. “I know it’s hard, but you’re going to be happy when you see him.”

 

“Stop knowing me so well.”

 

“Can’t,” is all Kyungsoo says before leaving.

 

Yixing shuts the door and heads to his bedroom to nap until he has to leave.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The drive to Baekhyun’s place is an anxious one, filled with nothing but overthinking and anticipation for what’s to come. He and Baekhyun have texted easily, comfortably, mostly sharing short stories of how their days have been going. Then there are the texts Baekhyun sends that are worded a bit flirty that gives Yixing hope for them to return to something romantic, but logic continues to tell him that’s naturally how Baekhyun is. Every time the messages become too much, Yixing checks out and squashes whatever feeling he has down and quickly changes the subject, well aware that he ruined his chance and it more than likely means nothing on Baekhyun’s end. Despite that, Kyungsoo was right and he really is happy to see Baekhyun again.

 

His brain is still a jumbled mess of what if’s and a hundred different emotions by the time he makes it to Baekhyun’s apartment building, but he pushes his nerves down to text Baekhyun as soon as he’s parked, letting him know he’s waiting outside. Baekhyun replies with a cheerful looking Molang and _give me a few minutes._ It takes about ten for the glass door to slide open and Baekhyun to appear. Yixing then gets out of his car and approaches Baekhyun. Yixing can’t tell if the knots in his stomach are from heartache or excitement.

 

“Hi,” Baekhyun greets with a tiny, shy smile.

 

“Hey,” Yixing says in return, though quietly. “Ready?”

 

“Yeah.” Baekhyun tugs at the sleeve of Yixing’s hoodie to get them walking, side by side, no distance between them, and Yixing reminds himself to not look too deep into any of Baekhyun’s actions today. Baekhyun did say he ‘ _doesn’t know what personal space is’_ once. “You don’t mind stuff like omelettes or pancakes for lunch do you?”

 

“Not at all.” Yixing’s sure he wouldn’t mind any kind of food as long as it meant he could see Baekhyun for a little while.

 

“Good. It’s like a fifteen minute walk. You aren’t cold?”

 

Yixing glances down and examines his own attire. A thick hoodie is just fine even if it’s the end of November. “Nope.”

 

“You’re crazy.” Baekhyun zips up his coat to the very top. “How are you, by the way?”

 

“I’m—better,” he answers. “You?”

 

“Same, I guess.”

 

Their conversation dies there, but Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind and Yixing doesn’t feel like speaking, not when he could accidentally blurt out something that would make Baekhyun uncomfortable. Because Yixing really wishes he could tell Baekhyun how amazing he looks today despite being covered to the knees by a coat or ask if he’s warm enough just to have an excuse to hold his hand. Suddenly a lingering feeling of regret takes over, Yixing wishing he would have complimented or done some cheesy action just to be close to Baekhyun a lot more often when they didn’t need fixing. It reminds him of when he was first falling for Baekhyun—wanting him, but thinking it was best to remain silent and do nothing. But he can’t say or do anything of the sort now and can only listen to the soft hum of Baekhyun’s voice to a tune he doesn’t recognize.

 

And as Baekhyun begins to sing, voice mumbled, it makes Yixing wonder how Baekhyun can remain so collected. Yixing is nothing but tense in fear of making the wrong move as they walk together while Baekhyun calmly sings, of all things. But Yixing reminds himself for the nth time that Baekhyun never really had the chance to fall in love like he had, most of their time together was spent with him getting over Chanyeol. It makes sense considering Baekhyun was the one who asked to stay friends right after practically dumping him. Baekhyun’s behavior is expected, but it doesn’t make it sting any less.

 

So Yixing focuses on the fact that he still has some sort of relationship with Baekhyun—it’s better than nothing at all—and how nice it is to walk together like this. Yixing relaxes, noticing how peaceful their surroundings are as Baekhyun guides them through the backstreets and they pass small shop after shop. It reminds him of his own favorite neighborhood and how he said he’d show Baekhyun around one day. He could still do that—just as friends—and it wouldn’t be the same, but it could be a step in the right direction towards healing their friendship. Maybe he’ll bring it up once he can bear being around Baekhyun for longer than an hour.

 

In no time, they reach the café Yixing misses the name of. It’s somewhat crowded and rather boring from the outside—no window decals or typical chalkboard with some cute drawing or special of the day written down—but the inside is a lot livelier with its yellow walls and several bookshelves lining them. The polka dotted chairs paired with light, wooden tables is a bit odd yet it somehow fits perfectly.

 

Baekhyun takes his coat off at a table by the window while Yixing goes to stand in an empty line. Yixing doesn't miss the thin turtleneck Baekhyun wears and Yixing questions whether it was on purpose or not. When Baekhyun joins him, they both go up to the counter to order. Yixing ends up getting a veggie omelette with strawberry juice while Baekhyun goes for French toast and mango juice. After Baekhyun pays, he’s handed a buzzer and they take their seats at the table.

 

“You, um, mentioned expanding the restaurant,” Baekhyun stumbles through when he speaks as soon as they’re settled. Yixing is a little surprised Baekhyun jumps right in conversation when last week was a struggle to keep it flowing. _This is how it’s supposed to be,_ he reminds himself. _Every meeting can’t be awkward._ “Tell me about that?”

 

“Oh, it’s not really a done deal,” Yixing starts, once again finding it easy to talk about work related topics. “But the old couple who owns the shop next door is retiring. And they actually own the building and wanted to know if I was interested in it.”

 

“Are you?” Baekhyun asks.

 

“I told them to keep me updated since they aren’t going to sell it until sometime next year,” Yixing says. “It’s a large investment and more work so I don’t know.” The only reason he owns his building instead of renting is thanks to his uncle. And then, even if he wanted to buy, he’d have to think about the costs and whether he’d join it with Unicorn or keep it as a separate restaurant. And if he joins them, that means construction and employees from both restaurants not working for a while. It’s _a lot_ to think about. “I haven’t done the numbers on whether it’s worth it or not.”

 

“It’d be nice though, right? To expand. Unicorn already does well.”

 

“I really haven’t put much thought into it.” Baekhyun hums and entangles his legs with Yixing’s own. It makes Yixing tense, not knowing if he should pull away or not. Baekhyun’s lips then part slightly, ready for words to spill out, but their buzzer goes off and Yixing stands all too quickly, making the chair scrape against the hardwood floor. “I’ll get our food.” Yixing snatches the buzzer from the table and rushes off to the pick-up counter.

 

Yixing takes their tray from the pick-up counter and places their food and drinks onto the table. After a quick return of the tray, Yixing sits down and Baekhyun instantly locks them together at the ankles once more. Yixing lets it be even though he’s a little unsettled by the action. Baekhyun is just touchy, Yixing tells himself. It’s a friendly gesture. _It means nothing._

 

“Are you going to change Unicorn’s name if you buy that other place?” Baekhyun asks a few minutes into them eating.

 

“Why would I?” Yixing questions in return. All he’s potentially doing is buying a new restaurant.

 

“Aside from it still being an ugly name,” Baekhyun says, making Yixing chuckle, “it’d be like a new start. If you combine them. You should think about changing the name regardless.”

 

“My uncle named it.”

 

“It’s not his restaurant anymore.”

 

And well, Baekhyun is right about that. “If you can come up with something better, I’ll _think_ about it.” Baekhyun then starts laughing, confusing Yixing. “What?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just, you said the same thing the first day we met since I complained about it then too.”

 

 _Oh._ Yixing doesn’t really remember much of that day apart from them both being assholes to one another and well, the sex. But he goes along with it. “Might be a sign then,” he says and eats a little more of his food. “I’ll think about it.” And Yixing thinks he means it.

 

They don’t speak for at least another five minutes, both quietly eating and sipping on their drinks. And of course Yixing can’t help but imagine if this were a date as he chews on his food and time passes on. He’d have no trouble thinking what to say next and could chat happily about this new docu-series that starts today. He’d share his food and steal some of Baekhyun’s right off his plate as Baekhyun swapped his mango juice for Yixing’s strawberry one. He’d even move his chair to sit by Baekhyun and rest his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder as he twined their fingers and complained about how tired he feels. But acting out a single thing feels too foreign for Yixing so he says and does nothing but eat and drink slowly.

 

Baekhyun lets out a loud yawn and finally asks, “You aren’t going to ask me anything?”

 

Yixing stops entertaining his own thoughts to glance up from his nearly empty plate and only gets out, “I don’t know—”

  


Baekhyun cuts him off with an irritated, “Bullshit,” along with a roll of his eyes, clearly aware of how Yixing’s sentence was supposed to end. “We’ve been talking all this time without a problem and suddenly you can’t speak unless I ask you something?” Then sadly, Baekhyun says, “I need you to talk to me Yixing. _Please._ I thought we were good.”

 

 _Fuck._ Upsetting Baekhyun is the last thing he needs to do. _You have to try._ “I’m sorry.” Yixing then reaches across the table, palm side up. Baekhyun’s eyes light up and he stops drinking his mango juice and his hand almost connects with Yixing’s until he retracts it. Yixing doesn’t understand why and folds his hands into his lap. “Sorry.” Yixing thinks for a second, almost all ready to tell Baekhyun just how uneasy this is to face him in person, how new this is to try and be friends with someone who’s practically an ex, but decides against it. It would only lead to Baekhyun becoming more upset. Yixing stammers through a, “Then tell me about that author who kept rejecting all your ideas,” completely nervous.

 

Baekhyun smiles, though somewhat forced, and says, “Oh, well—” and Yixing zones out for most of what Baekhyun has to say, only catching enough to respond with simple answers. Even when Baekhyun changes the topic because something he said reminded him of something else, Yixing continues to reply in the same manner. Baekhyun doesn’t seem to notice or maybe he doesn’t care.

 

Soon, Baekhyun is putting on his coat as Yixing waits for him outside. When Baekhyun reaches him, they stand there awkwardly, reminding Yixing all too much of a few weeks ago. He doesn’t like where this is going.

 

“So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?” Baekhyun asks as he begins to sway his body back and forth. Yixing has to stop himself from saying _cute_ out loud.

 

“Nothing, really,” Yixing answers. The only thing he really wants to do is land face first into his bed. Going home sounds like a good idea. He nudges Baekhyun on the arm to get them started on walking back to Baekhyun’s apartment.

 

“I don’t have anything to do either,” Baekhyun says, words trailing off at the end.

 

Yixing wonders if that’s a hint of Baekhyun wanting to hang out for a bit longer, but he doesn’t bother with any sort of follow up question or comment. They’re still trying to get into the swing of this whole only friends thing and lunch was _more than enough_ for today. So Yixing doesn’t bother with a reply and simply hums in acknowledgement.

 

There’s nothing but the sound of feet pressing against concrete and voices of a few strangers on their phone as they walk. Yixing expects Baekhyun to start singing like he had earlier, but Baekhyun keeps to himself and makes sure he stays a little behind with each step. Yixing sighs to himself, wondering if it’s because he purposely chose to ignore Baekhyun’s words minutes ago or if their lunch has anything to do with it. Either way, it’s not like it matters; Yixing is going home.

 

As they reach closer to Baekhyun’s place, Yixing expects Baekhyun to finally say something, but there’s still silence. Yixing’s ready to open his own mouth to ask if Baekhyun is okay with them not meeting for a while again when he trips and nearly falls face first into concrete from a crack in the ground. Luckily he’s always had a pretty good balance. Yixing then hears a muffled snicker from behind.

 

“Not funny,” Yixing grumbles as Baekhyun walks a few steps ahead to stand in front of Yixing.

 

“To you,” Baekhyun laughs. “You deserve that for ignoring me earlier anyway.” _Oh. He knew._ “I think you should tell you me about your ex-boyfriend to make up for it,” Baekhyun suggests.

 

“My ex?” Yixing says, nose wrinkling, and wonders what brought this on. He then nudges Baekhyun lightly on the arm to get him moving again; they continue walking.

 

“Yeah, the very last one. Tell me about him,” he yawns. “I mean, _really_ tell me. I want details. I've been meaning to ask about him anyway.”

 

Giving Baekhyun, of all people, the “details” of ex isn’t something he’s up for right now. He had thought the few, vague details he had given before were enough. But Yixing does know far more about Chanyeol than absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, it’s only fair.

 

“Are you sure?” Yixing asks for confirmation and Baekhyun nods eagerly. Seeing Baekhyun get excited over something so small has Yixing smiling. “Then where should I start?”

 

Baekhyun laughs with a shake of his head. “Just start from the beginning of how you two met.”

 

Yixing is ready to talk about Taekwoon, but Baekhyun’s apartment building comes into view. “Oh, we’re here,” Yixing says as they approach the glass door. “I should get going. Maybe I can tell you—”

 

“Come up,” Baekhyun interrupts, “and tell me all about him.”

 

It’s hard not to be taken aback by those words when Baekhyun is the one who suggested they stick to seeing each other outside of their apartments until they were comfortable enough. “You said it was best if we avoided our apartments. We can talk about this some other time. Or you can even call me for the details.”

 

“I don’t think it’s my place that’s the issue.” Yixing is ready to remind Baekhyun that _his place_ is where they were last happy at, but doesn’t. Baekhyun would probably be adamant in saying Yixing’s apartment is where they truly connected or some other excuse. “It’ll help us get used to it.” Baekhyun doesn’t wait for Yixing to respond and links their fingers together before punching in the building code and dragging Yixing up the stairs.

 

It’s more than irritating that Baekhyun doesn’t give him the chance to say no and is forcing this to happen without considering how he feels at all.

 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says just loud enough for said person to hear.

 

“Hm?”

 

“You don’t need to hold my hand on the way up.” Baekhyun glances back, frown on his lips, before letting go.

 

It doesn’t take long for them to reach Baekhyun’s door and for Baekhyun to key in the code. Their shoes are slipped off and they step fully inside. Baekhyun flops down onto his bed after losing his coat and Yixing sits down in the desk chair. Yixing gives a once over of the room. It’s a little messier since he was last here with papers and clothing littering the floor. He spots a few of his clothes over on the rack, but Baekhyun hasn’t mentioned giving anything back so Yixing doesn’t bring up needing to take them.

 

The air feels all too awkward and stiff with neither doing nothing but staring down.

 

It takes a few minutes for Baekhyun to ask quietly, “Can you tell me about your ex now?” as he folds his legs up and wraps his arms around them. “Or I could make us tea or something first.”

  


It somehow catches Yixing off guard, Baekhyun still wanting to know, even if that’s the sole reason he’s up here right now. He figured with the passing silence Baekhyun might have lost all hope on hearing about Taekwoon. But Yixing has to admit it does make him a little bit excited that Baekhyun is expressing genuine interest in his personal life. Then again, Yixing has to remind himself once again that it’s because they’re friends now.

 

_Friends do that too._

 

Yixing waves his hand off, forgoing tea. “Well, I met Taekwoon through a mutual friend with intentions of hooking us up,” Yixing begins and recalls the first time they met being filled with shy smiles and awkward words. “It took one date for us to make us official, another for us to fuck. It was only a few months before we moved in together, but it felt right at the time. We did everything quickly—even talking about marriage.”

 

“What was dating him like? What’d you do together?” Baekhyun asks.

 

“Hmm.” Yixing takes a moment to actually think and make sure to leave out the more bitter moments. “In the beginning there were lots of dates, I guess. Movies, museums, musicals, typical couple stuff for us. After we moved in, it became like a pattern? We got used to each other and found a routine. I usually was up before him so I made breakfast, sometimes lunch.”

 

“Did he make you happy?”

 

“Very,” Yixing breathes out and Baekhyun perks up, seemingly to ask something else but stays mute. He continues, “We had typical disagreements, but I was happy. Happy enough to think I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.”

 

Baekhyun then stares directly at Yixing, curiosity washing over his face. “Then what happened? Did he cheat or something?”

 

“No,” Yixing laughs and leans back. “Nothing like that. He actually got an offer for a job overseas.”

 

“Oh, so he ditched you?”

 

Yixing purses his lips. “Something like that. When he told me, I didn’t think anything of it. I thought I would just naturally follow, you know? I can cook anywhere.” He should have taken the missed calls and less frequent _I love you’s_ as a sign, but Yixing chose to ignore them all. They had grown distant in such a short amount of time and Yixing just saw it as another small hurdle to get over as they figured out the next stage of their life together; Taekwoon obviously didn’t. Yixing had come home to a stoic Taekwoon with his mind made up and bags already packed, not even giving them the chance to talk things out. “Taekwoon said it was best we broke up, best we find our own paths in life or something like that. He made that decision all on his own. I don’t know if he didn’t think I was willing to go with him or what.” Yixing starts swerving the chair from side to side. “I heard he left for overseas a few days after.”

 

There’s a short pause in conversation before Baekhyun is speaking. “I don’t really know what to say other than that guy lost out on someone amazing.” _Amazing? But not good enough for you,_ Yixing thinks as his mind goes back to his and Baekhyun’s equal failure of a relationship. Yixing bites his tongue and Baekhyun continues, “But thanks for sharing with me. You didn’t have to.”

 

“I wanted to,” Yixing yawns. “And it’s only fair since I know so much about Chanyeol.” A beat of silence passes and Yixing asks, “How is he doing?” in efforts to try and make the new them work.

 

Baekhyun shrugs. “Sehun says he’s doing okay. He hasn’t said a word to me since I told him there wasn’t a chance for us to be together.” Baekhyun crosses his legs together and folds his hands in his lap. “But is that it? About your ex.”

 

“There really isn’t much to say.” Yixing could go into much more specific details, but he’s sure Baekhyun isn’t up for that, at least not today. “But I guess it was a learning experience?”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, I didn’t think too much of it back then, but now, after us, I think I should take relationships a lot slower,” he explains and Baekhyun eyes him thoughtfully, like he still needs to hear more. “I like falling in love, being in love, but I think I wanted too much too fast. With you, with him, with others. So I think,” Yixing pauses, swallows hard and then continues, “Next time I should take things much slower. Really get to know a person I guess.”

 

“Would you ever give him a second chance? What if he admitted he screwed up?” Baekhyun asks, though hesitantly.

 

The question is too absurd for Yixing to even think of why Baekhyun would ask such a thing and rushes out a “No,” Yixing immediately, firmly. “I’d rather not be involved with someone twice.”

 

Yixing expects a follow up question regarding his ex, but gets nothing of the sort. Instead, Baekhyun asks, rather emotionless, “Want to watch TV?” and Yixing figures Baekhyun got enough answers for today.

 

“Sure,” Yixing replies.

 

Baekhyun then pats the space next to himself. “You should come here; your ass will hurt if you sit there for too long.”

 

The bed _is_ much softer, Yixing reasons, and he gets up to sit at the opposite end. From the corner of his eye, he sees Baekhyun pouting. Thankfully, Baekhyun doesn’t say a thing and turns it to a variety show that Yixing has trouble concentrating on. He can’t help but continue to take small peeks over at Baekhyun as Baekhyun subtly tries to inch himself over and closer to him. It reminds of the times at his place where they’d sit on the couch at opposite ends and Baekhyun would gradually make his way over until he reached Yixing. And then Baekhyun would crawl into his lap and tangle his fingers into his hair and kiss him slowly, deeply, until they couldn’t breathe. Yixing closes his eyes and knocks his head against the wall, trying to pull himself together and ignore the way his chest clenches.

 

“Baekhyun,” Yixing breathes out.

 

“Yeah?” Baekhyun says softly, looking to Yixing.

 

“Can you—can you just stay where you are?” Yixing asks, almost pitifully so from already have grown tired of Baekhyun being the one getting to dictate how close they can be physically. Yixing pretends he doesn’t hear the small whine Baekhyun lets out.

 

“I didn’t—I’m sorry. I know this is hard, but I—” Baekhyun doesn’t finish whatever he wanted to say and Yixing twists his body to face him properly. “I’m sorry.” Baekhyun’s eyes sink down into the mattress and there’s a slight frustration taking over Yixing at how easily upset they can make each other.

 

_It shouldn’t be like this._

 

“Let's go for a walk,” Yixing suggests as he gets up from the bed. He goes over to the door, putting on his shoes, and is unsure of whether Baekhyun would actually join him or not, but at least he's trying to meet Baekhyun half way.

 

“A walk? Really? We just came from outside, so why?” Baekhyun questions, eyes squinting in the process.

 

“Well it feels kind of suffocating in here,” Yixing states, genuinely so. He doesn't know how much of Baekhyun in such a closed area he can take. “We need air. To clear our heads.”

 

“Maybe we should call it a day then?” Baekhyun asks, rather absentmindedly and not even looking at Yixing when he speaks. Yixing is almost tempted to ask Baekhyun if he's sure about that considering he seemed to want them to hang out for much longer, but doesn't. “I keep wanting to be as close as possible to you despite knowing I shouldn't. It's still hard to not want you.” Yixing swallows hard at the honesty. He can't let Baekhyun get to him. Those words mean _nothing._ “And I don't think a walk will change that so let's do this again some other time?”

 

Yixing nods immediately. “Yeah, some other time,” he stumbles out in a rush as he lets exits the apartment, not caring to give a proper goodbye. He then runs to his car, almost tripping on the steps on the way down.

 

_‘It's still hard to not want you.’_

 

 _Then why?_ Yixing doesn't think he'll ever comprehend why Baekhyun won't give him, _them_ a chance if it's still difficult to be just friends. But Baekhyun thinks it's for the best, Yixing reminds himself. If that's what Baekhyun really wants then Yixing really will have no choice but to move on.

 

With a sigh, Yixing starts his car and texts Kyungsoo. _Let's go out tonight? Remember that thing about me and other guys? I think I should try….._ before taking off.


	3. Chapter 3

_ Yixing….. _

_ we haven't hung out in a while  _

_ don’t say you’re too busy again :( _

 

_ i know _

_ just…..soon. i promise soon _

 

_ when is soon? _

  
  
  


Yixing sets down his phone and directs his attention back to the computer screen. He doesn’t know how many times he’s sent Baekhyun a reply of  _ ‘soon’  _ with a promise attached, but it’s pointless to keep count now. And it’s not like he doesn’t mean it; it’s just that he doesn’t know when exactly he’ll feel like seeing Baekhyun in person again. His heart still needs a bit of fixing and it’s hard resisting someone he grew to love over the last few months, but being away from Baekhyun physically is still for the best, he tells himself.

 

Besides, their phone calls and texts should be enough to placate Baekhyun for now considering Baekhyun hasn’t given up on them being friends yet. He doesn’t understand why Baekhyun feels the need to see him so badly. Then again, Baekhyun was with Chanyeol for  _ years  _ and bounced back from that in a few short months. Baekhyun gets over things easily, Yixing guesses, and could be over him by now despite saying it was hard to still not want him just last month.

 

In any case, figuring out Baekhyun’s need for human attachment isn’t important; he should be focused on making next week’s work schedule instead of worrying about anything concerning Baekhyun. So Yixing takes another swig of his coffee and checks over his notes about which employees requested what days off and when they’d be available and which workers he can fit into any day of the week. By the time he’s finished, Pepsi is pulling at his pant leg and there’s someone buzzing his apartment to be let in.

 

_ Ah, Kyungsoo.  _ He had almost forgot they made plans to marathon some of Kyungsoo’s favorite movies together. Yixing shakes his leg free and spins in his chair before getting up. He finds one of Pepsi’s toy balls on the floor and plays catch with her as he leisurely makes his way to the door. When he presses the intercom and sees that it’s Lu Han on the screen, he lets out a large sigh.

 

“What do you want Lu Han?” Yixing asks as soon as he calls Lu Han on his phone. Maybe speaking to him this way will  _ hopefully _ give him the hint that he doesn’t want to be bothered with right now.

 

“Let me in,” Lu Han answers, whiny tone included. It’s annoying. “And give me the new code to the building so I won’t have to stand in the cold,” he quickly adds.

 

“What do you want? I’m busy.” 

 

“To talk? We should catch up.”

 

Yixing doesn’t give a response and instead goes into the kitchen and sits on the floor right in front of the cabinet where he keeps Pepsi’s treats, excited puppy behind him the entire way. He reaches to open the cabinet door and Pepsi sits instantly, tail wagging and eyes focused on all the boxes inside. He then finally says, “We can talk another time. I need to finish making the work schedule for next week,” as he rubs behind his pup’s ear.

 

“You’re always working,” he bemoans. “You need to relax. We can eat and drink our stress away.”

 

Seeing Lu Han in person wouldn’t be relaxing in the least bit. If he could, Yixing would avoid Lu Han for the next several months. Or at least until his friend properly apologized. Yixing takes out a vanilla dog treat for Pepsi to chew on for the next hour or so and gets up, leaving the treat on the ground. Pepsi eagerly starts gnawing on it. “I don’t feel like doing either,” he says. “Just leave and come back another time.”

 

“You always tell me that and we’ve only hung out when it’s a group of us. Just let me up; you know how annoying I can get.”

 

Annoying is putting it  _ lightly, _ but Lu Han is right. It’s better to get this over with now than have to see him another day. “Fine. But you’re gone after an hour.”

 

“Sure, sure. Now, let me up. I’m freezing.”

 

“You wouldn’t be freezing if you hadn’t come over unannounced,” Yixing points out, sharp tone to his voice, before ending the call and pocketing his phone. He goes over to the entryway of his apartment and buzzes Lu Han in and then waits a minute to hear a knock at his door. He lets Lu Han in with a groan, his friend cheerfully greeting him with a one-sided hug that lasts far too long for his liking. He already feels drained. “You can let go now,” he says as he tries to wiggle himself free.

 

“So, how’ve you been?” Lu Han asks as he hangs his coat and takes off his shoes. “I haven’t seen you lately since you started skipping out on all our meetups.”

 

“Good,” Yixing answers and doesn’t bother to say or even ask Lu Han the same.

 

Yixing walks back into the kitchen where Pepsi lies, still chewing on her treat. He picks her up, food dangling from her mouth, and moves them to the living room couch where Lu Han already sits. Yixing watches as Pepsi glances over to Lu Han and nothing else.  _ Odd. _ Usually she’d be all over him, but Yixing shrugs it off and figures she’s more into eating even though she hasn’t seen him in a while. He then turns on the TV, eventually settling on some variety show.

 

“Anything new going on with you?” Lu Han asks, probably as another conversation starter. Yixing wishes he would just sit there quietly.

 

“Not really,” Yixing breathes out.

 

“Oh, well, I’ve already told you that Junmyeon broke up with me,” Lu Han unfortunately starts. “I think he might be seeing someone new, but I’m not too sure yet. I’ve tried to get anyone at the office to tell me, even the janitor, but they’re no help.”

 

“That’s, uh, interesting, I guess,” Yixing yawns and begins petting Pepsi. He smiles when her tail wags even more.

 

“Yeah, but I think I might end up asking Sehun next though I don’t really want to,” he huffs. “He keeps giving me the cold shoulder. I bet Baekhyun told him what I did on your birthday. He was never mean to me before.” Yixing only hums to that, thinking Lu Han deserves any bitter feelings Sehun may have on his friend’s behalf. “Well anyway, I’ve been thinking on how to win him back. I mean we were good together; we still could be.”

 

From what he can remember, Lu Han’s relationship with Junmyeon didn’t appear all that great. He thought Junmyeon was another fling, especially since he only met Junmyeon twice and they were dating for  _ months. _ He doesn’t even want to recall how he thought Junmyeon was just another guy Lu Han was setting him up with the first time they were introduced. That was embarrassing for them all. And the second time they met, Lu Han didn’t seem interested in anything Junmyeon had to say. Yixing can barely remember Lu Han even talking about his ex when their love lives came up. Junmyeon probably deserves way better than Lu Han if were to be honest.

 

But Yixing hardly feels like speaking so he shrugs and says nothing.

 

Lu Han doesn’t speak for the next ten or so minutes, his attention focused on the TV. When he does open his mouth again, Yixing has to hold in a groan. “I was also thinking about getting a cat. Like if you can make time for a dog, then I surely can for a cat, right?” Yixing shrugs again and turns his attention to the TV, laughing when a joke is made. “So, anything going on with you? Love wise?” Lu Han asks. “Met any new guys to date or at least fuck? Hakyeon told me you went on a few dates already.”

 

“Seems like you know enough,” Yixing blunty states.

 

_ “Yixing,” _ he whines, scooting over and pushing at his friend’s shoulder. It makes Pepsi climb all the way into Yixing’s lap. “Are you really not going to talk to me?” Yixing raises his brow and rolls his eyes. He hopes barely talking will get him to leave and lets out a deep breath. “I thought we were good after you punched me. Wasn’t that enough?”  _ No. _ If anything, Lu Han shouldn’t even be in his apartment, not when he hasn’t said so much as a  _ ‘sorry’ _ yet. Yixing stays silent. There’s a large, all too audible sigh from Lu Han before he says, “Okay, fine, I’m sorry.” Yixing glances over to Lu Han before fully turning towards him, Pepsi still in his lap. “I’m sorry for ruining your relationship with Baekhyun,” he grumbles through, sighing at the end of his words.

 

“Are you really sorry?” Yixing asks, irritation clearly heard because Lu Han doesn’t seem genuine  _ at all. _ He’d be even more furious if he weren’t already frustrated and upset with Lu Han. “Are you really sorry you helped fuck things up with me and Baekhyun?” he asks again, voice raised, when Lu Han doesn’t speak.

 

“I—not really,” he admits, frowning, and Yixing is ready to tell to get out until Lu Han starts stumbling through an, “I can explain!” That catches Yixing’s attention. Not once has Lu Han ever mentioned why he’d want to ruin his relationship with Baekhyun. Yixing crosses his arms and waits. A few long seconds pass before Lu Han quietly rambles, “I know it’s not the greatest of reasons, but I didn’t think and I still don’t think Baekhyun’s right for you. He was so hung up over Chanyeol and it wouldn’t have been fair to keep you stuck with him. All Baekhyun would have done is use you and move on to the next man. It would have been a mistake to be with him so I thought I should help you a bit with getting rid of him. It was for the best.”

 

_ A mistake? _

 

_ For the best? _

 

Driving away Baekhyun was one of  _ the worst  _ choices Lu Han has ever made. And Yixing doesn’t understand how Lu Han, his supposed  _ best friend, _ could just sit there and explain everything so calmly with no remorse. It makes Yixing all the more angrier, all the more hurt. “It was  _ my  _ mistake to make, Lu Han,” Yixing bites out. He then gently takes Pepsi out of his lap to set her on the ground and stands. “We could have worked out or maybe we wouldn’t have, but it would have been because of  _ us _ and you took that away.”

 

“But you’ll be okay, eventually,” he brushes him off with. “It isn’t like Baekhyun’s the only guy in the world. I’ll just introduce you to someone new like always.”

 

“You really don’t think what you did was wrong in any way?” Yixing asks, even though it’s redundant.

 

“I don’t regret it. You’re better off without Baekhyun.”

 

Yixing breathes in deep, probably far too many times, but he needs to keep his composure for his own sake. It shouldn’t come as a shock that Lu Han is this selfish and it shouldn’t sting this much because of how Lu Han really can’t see any wrong in what he did. But Lu Han is supposed to be his best friend, his childhood best friend that got in trouble with him and stood up for him and said sorry when he was in the wrong, not this person who deliberately ruined his relationship with Baekhyun for his own self-centered reasons. That’s not a friend at all and Yixing begins to wonder if they can even come back from something like this. But he can’t think about a failing friendship right now, not when he’s far too upset.

 

“Get out,” Yixing blankly states, voice void of any emotion.

 

“Yixing I—” Lu Han tries to start but is interrupted.

 

“Get out,” he repeats, this time more bitter, more angry than the first.

 

Lu Han stumbles off the couch and rushes to the door. He doesn’t bother to put on his coat, just his shoes hastily, and hurriedly lets himself out. Yixing takes a deep breath for the thousandth time and flops down onto the couch, covering his eyes with his forearm. He tries not to think of Lu Han, of Baekhyun and thoughts of would any of this new information change Baekhyun’s mind. He tries not to think, but fails. His head is starting to thump in pain. 

 

Yixing is ready to call it a day and go to bed despite it being early afternoon when Pepsi starts whining before she’s barking at him as she struggles to get on the couch. He lets out a soft giggle before he says, “Ah, I really have to teach you to get up here yourself. You’re big enough now,” as he helps Pepsi into his lap. Pepsi reaches up to lick his face a few times and then lies down only to roll over on her back. “You’re so cute,” Yixing says sweetly as he rubs her belly. “At least I have you,” he sighs out. He then is ready to pick up the remainder of Pepsi’s treat when he hears and sees his apartment door opening.

 

_ Kyungsoo. _

 

Pepsi ungracefully leaps off Yixing’s lap to run to Kyungsoo as he takes off his outerwear. Yixing smiles as Kyungsoo coos and scratches behind Pepsi’s ear. Yixing almost asks his friend how he got in until he remembers that unlike Lu Han, he gave Kyungsoo the new building code a few weeks back.

 

“Hey,” Kyungsoo greets as he makes his way inside the apartment. Yixing gives a weak wave followed by him falling onto his side with a soft thud. “You look stressed,” he points out. “Should I leave?” Kyungsoo asks, seating himself at the opposite end of the couch. “We can always watch movies another day.”

 

“No, no, stay,” Yixing yawns and slithers over to wrap himself around Kyungsoo who must have expected that because he’s already positioned himself to lie with Yixing by the time he reaches him. “I’m just—Lu Han came over and he said something. It’s not a big deal.”

 

“When you’re barely speaking to him it is. What’d he say?” He then threads his fingers through Yixing’s hair, soothing him somewhat.

 

“It’s obvious he ruined what I had with Baekhyun on purpose, but I never knew  _ why, _ ” Yixing starts quietly. “He told me he thought Baekhyun would just use me so he thought he was helping by trying to get him out of my life.”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything at first; he continues to massage at Yixing’s head until a few minutes pass. He then asks, “Was that the only reason he gave?” Yixing hums in response. The air grows still, quiet, and it unnerves Yixing when Kyungsoo’s hand freezes.  _ He’s hiding something. _ “Then I should tell you something he said a while back.”

 

Yixing’s heart skips a beat at the thought of Kyungsoo keeping something from him. “What is is?” he asks, hesitation in his voice.

 

“He also did it because he said he was bitter,” Kyungsoo sighs.

 

“Bitter? What would he have to be bitter over? When was this?” Yixing rapidly questions as he sits up.  _ Bitter? That doesn’t make sense.  _

 

“A while ago. Maybe a week or two after your birthday,” he begins to explain and pulls Yixing to lie back down with him. “He was drunk and went on this whole rant about you and Baekhyun and how it was unfair your relationship was going well while his was going downhill when all you and Baekhyun did was fuck.” Kyungsoo pauses for a brief second, maybe to recall what was said more clearly, and continues, “He kept going on about how his relationship with Junmyeon was more meaningful and said he had to do what he did because of that. He wanted you both to be miserable is what I understood from that entire conversation.”

 

Yixing remains silent for the next several minutes, not knowing what to think of the additional info. He thought Lu Han was his best friend and would always have his best interest in mind, but for him to be so hostile over a relationship because of his own failure is mind boggling. He has no idea if he should even remain friends with Lu Han if all he’s going to be is spiteful. Even childhood friendships can come to an end and maybe theirs is long overdue.

 

“Was there anything else?” Yixing then asks softly.

 

“Of course he went on another rant about how Baekhyun was no good for you, which is what I assume he just told you?”

 

“Yeah,” Yixing mumbles. “But why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

 

Kyungsoo starts massaging at Yixing’s scalp again as he explains, “I felt like it wasn’t my place and that eventually he would. We’re all friends, or at least you are still with Lu Han, and I didn’t want to create any drama. I thought you two would hash it out yourselves once he got over himself.”

 

And that  _ does _ make sense so he really can’t be too upset with Kyungsoo keeping secrets. But it does make Yixing wonder if Lu Han said or did anything to put a strain on his relationship with Kyungsoo. “What happened with you and Lu Han?”

 

“Nothing really. I just started distancing myself because I don’t want that type of person in my life, especially since I might make it big being in a boy group. You are—or were—his best friend yet he still did something like that. I can’t risk my future with him.”

 

Yixing hums in understanding and then asks, “How’s that going? The training and stuff.” They could use a change in topic; he’s tired of talking about Lu Han. Yixing then frees himself from his friend to stand and grabs Kyungsoo’s hand to lead him into the kitchen.

 

“They cut it down to a final ten. And after the new year, they want to talk to each of us individually so every one of us is panicking,” Kyungsoo answers when he takes a look inside the refrigerator. “Want me to cook something?”

 

Yixing’s eyes light up at the mere thought of eating Kyungsoo’s cooking and eagerly nods his head. “You’ll make it, you know. And then you can give me signed CDs to show off.” Kyungsoo groans and whines. “You’ve made it this far.”

 

“But what if I don’t? I’m already pushing it with being a bit older—”

 

“Shush,” Yixing silences him as he takes a second to think of something to bake before continuing, “you’ll make it and give me free concert merch so I won’t have to compete with your fans.” That makes Kyungsoo smile, teeth showing, before there’s a pink tint to his cheeks. Yixing thinks he hears a playful,  _ ‘you’re ridiculous,’  _ underneath Kyungsoo’s breath, but pays it no mind knowing his friend wouldn’t talk too much on this. “So, are you staying over tonight?” he asks. “Or just going to head home late?”

 

“I don’t have to be at the company until Monday so I’ll stay,” Kyungsoo answers. “We’re getting an actual break, not one where we have time off and should still be practicing. Probably only because it’s close to New Year’s and all non-trainees want to relax.”

 

“If it works out for you then good.” Yixing then takes a couple of the food items from Kyungsoo’s hands to set on the counter. “What do you want for dessert?”

 

“Let’s make—your phone keeps vibrating,” Kyungsoo says as he points to Yixing’s pocket once his hands are free. “It’s getting annoying.”

 

Yixing wonders if he should turn his phone off for the day, but decides against it. Work could call.  _ Baekhyun _ could call. “It’s probably Baekhyun,” Yixing sighs then checks his phone for confirmation. It’s Baekhyun.  _ A lot _ of Baekhyun. He skims through one too many texts asking if he’s free next weekend followed by a short story about work. “It’s just Baekhyun. He wants to meet up. Soon,” he explains.

 

“That sounds familiar,” Kyungsoo says with a roll of his eyes. “Just go see him and get it over with.”

 

“You make it sound like me talking to him is a chore.” Yixing frowns and takes a bowl down from the cabinet.

 

“Isn’t it?” Kyungsoo asks, leaning against the counter. “You haven’t seen him since last month and refuse to do so with excuses of being busy at work.”

 

“I have been though.”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “No more than usual,” he says and takes Yixing by the wrist over to the kitchen table to sit and continue their conversation. “Or are you afraid of his reaction when you tell him you’ve been dating around?”

 

“No,” Yixing instantly denies yet his voice is shaky and unsure. As much as he hates to say it, he  _ has _ been worried about Baekhyun’s reaction once he tells him he’s started seeing other men. Just three dates is hardly anything, but it is a start towards moving on like he wants. But even more than that and putting getting over Baekhyun issues aside, he really doesn’t feel up to seeing him. “Yes? Maybe? Probably, but I just—sometimes I feel like it might not even be worth it to stay friends with him,” he admits. “We didn’t work out romantically and I can’t even think of when I wanted to be anything other than that when I realized it was more than sex between us. I don’t know how to be his friend and all I’m doing right now is fucking that up.” 

 

Kyungsoo nods and crosses his arms. “Get drunk and hash everything out,” he says once enough silence has passed. “You clearly haven’t gotten everything off your chest.”

 

“I thought we did do that already. Minus the drinking,” Yixing sighs. And it’s not like their talk didn’t help—it’s his own emotions pulling him in a thousand different directions that’s making this a lot more complicated than he thinks it needs to be. “It feels like there’s still a wall between us. A  _ ‘I’m not too sure how to feel about Baekhyun’ _ wall. And what if seeing him in person again takes me back to square one?” The last thing he needs is to go back to how he felt the morning of his birthday.

 

“Drinking will help.”

 

“How?” Yixing questions. “I don’t even like it.”

 

“You’re goofy when drunk. And adorable. And a lot more talkative,” Kyungsoo answers with fondness and Yixing doesn’t get how alcohol will solve their problem so he chooses to remain quiet. His friend then says, “It’ll help you open up more and be more comfortable around him.”

 

“I don’t want to be drunk to talk to him.”

 

“Look at it like this—if you can do it while drunk, it’ll give you encouragement to do it while sober.”

 

Yixing still doesn’t understand the logic, but it isn’t like anything he’s doing right now is working one-hundred percent. “And what if Baekhyun’s the type to pass out when drunk?”

 

“Say there was an attempt?” Kyungsoo reasons. He then stands up and walks over to the counter and starts messing with a bag of onions. “We’re all going to N’s for New Year’s. Invite him.”

 

“Around our friends? Couldn’t that be taken the wrong way?”

 

“That’s his problem if it is because for you, it’s just friends being around friends,” Kyungsoo points out and well, Yixing can’t really argue with that. It would be them being friends. Just friends.  _ Only friends. _ “Just get like one drink in you and you should be good to go. Plus being in a club might help because of the noise if you say something stupid.”

 

“I don’t know,” Yixing groans.

 

“It’s better than hanging out on Christmas like he wanted.”

 

Yixing had almost forgot how Baekhyun dared to ask to hang out on Christmas—a day meant for couples here. It would have been just the two of them and before Baekhyun could get too excited at the thought of them exchanging gifts and being around each other after so long, Yixing near instantly said no. Of course it made Baekhyun stutter through an,  _ ‘I have to go,” _ and they didn’t speak for two days, but it would have given Yixing false hope and fantasize over something that would never happen.

 

“True,” Yixing huffs. “Should I call him now?”

 

“Yeah, get it over with so we can get to eating and our movie marathon,” Kyungsoo answers as he turns on the stover and grabs a pot. “Do it quickly.”

 

Yixing nods and reads over his last few messages from Baekhyun, heart clenching a little. He types out a quick,  _ call me when you’re free? i need to ask you something,  _ and unsurprisingly his phone rings just a minute later.

 

_ “You wanted me to call? Why?” _ Baekhyun asks, voice lacking any sort of cheer Yixing had gotten so used to hearing these last few weeks. Maybe he should have replied to the texts first.

 

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone on Christmas,” Yixing starts with. He reminds himself that it was the right choice and the implications of spending that particular holiday alone with Baekhyun could have made him remember everything he loved about Baekhyun. “But I wanted to see if you’d like to come hang out with me on New Year’s. New Year’s Eve. Tomorrow night,” he stumbles through.

 

_ “Really?”  _ Baekhyun’s tone already seems lighter with just one word.  _ “You’d want to hang out with me on New Year’s?” _

 

“That’s why I’m asking,” Yixing laughs. “We’d be around my friends, but it’s still us, in a way. I think it’ll help me get used to being around you alone.” And thinking a little more, their last meeting was  _ awkward _ and Yixing would rather not go through that again, especially if he can’t find the proper words to keep a conversation going with Baekhyun.

 

_ “Me meeting your friends will?”  _ he questions.

 

“It’s better than being alone,” Yixing states bluntly and he doesn’t miss the groan on Baekhyun’s end. “We’re planning on meeting at N—a club my friend owns. It’s kind of high end. Do you want to go?”

 

The phone remains silent and knowing Baekhyun, he’s thinking it over. It takes a few minutes of Yixing watching Kyungsoo prepare what looks like the beginnings of omurice for Baekhyun to finally get out,  _ “If I don’t, when’s the next time I’ll see you?” _

 

“I don’t know.”

 

_ “Yixing,”  _ Baekhyun whines.

 

“You’re not the one with a broken heart, Baekhyun,” Yixing states, irritably so. “Just forget I asked. We’ll just hang out later.” Yixing’s ready to hang up without so much as a goodbye, but Baekhyun is speaking again.

 

_ “No. I want to go,” _ Baekhyun rushes out.

 

Yixing highly doubts Baekhyun wants to be anywhere near his friends so he questions in return, “Are you sure?” to give him a chance to change his mind. 

 

_ “Yes. Just tell me when to come over and I’ll get ready at your place. Is that okay?” _

 

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Yixing says without thinking just to rush Baekhyun off the phone.

 

_ “Bye-bye.” _ Baekhyun hangs up before Yixing can say anything in return.

 

Yixing stares down at his phone, mentally cursing at himself before setting the device aside. If he really wanted to push Baekhyun away, he could call right back and tell him to meet him at the club instead, but decides it’s better not to. He then takes a deep breath and rests his head on the cold kitchen table.

 

“So I take it that he’s coming?” Kyungsoo asks and Yixing groans as a response. “That short convo that stressful?” Yixing groans again. “Worry about Baekhyun tomorrow. We need to focus on eating and movies to de-stress. Now get over here and start making brownies.”

 

Yixing silently nods, getting up to do as told with far too many thoughts on tomorrow on his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

  
  
  
  


There’s far too much silence or maybe it’s Yixing unable to make enough noise with his constant fidgeting and pacing back and forth in his kitchen to drown out the thought of Baekhyun being here,  _ at his apartment, _ in less than fifteen minutes. Baekhyun had texted Yixing earlier in day, asking if he could come over a bit early just in case, for whatever reason, it took them a bit longer than planned to get ready. Yixing had agreed because  _ ‘a little earlier’ _ meant an hour at best in Yixing’s mind. But no, Baekhyun was coming over in just ten minutes now—a good few hours than originally planned. He hasn’t even eaten dinner yet.

 

But after last night, after talking to Kyungsoo a bit more, Yixing had promised himself to be a better friend to Baekhyun and he can’t keep living in fear of what ifs and avoiding him if he wants to commit to that. He needs to move on and sure the dating has helped, he thinks, but physically being around him would put Yixing’s feelings to the test and he can’t do that if he spends the bare minimum amount of time with Baekhyun. Being around Baekhyun for more time than planned is  _ okay. _ Yixing  _ will _ be okay.

 

Hopefully.

 

Yixing continues to play with Pepsi until his phone buzzes with a message from Baekhyun asking to either let him in or give him the new building code. Yixing gets up off the ground, tossing Pepsi’s toy aside and goes to the door to buzz him up. It takes less than two minutes for there to be a knock at the door and Yixing can only assume it’s Baekhyun. He takes a deep breath and slowly opens the door.

 

Baekhyun stands in front of Yixing, shy grin forming as he shuffles forward, medium sized bag in hand, into the apartment so the door can shut behind himself. Yixing tries not to stare too hard and opens his mouth to speak, but before he can get one word in with Baekhyun, Pepsi zooms past Yixing and tackles Baekhyun’s legs and begins whining, tail wagging.

 

“My baby missed me,” Baekhyun coos as he kneels down to pet Pepsi and as soon as he’s ground level, she’s in his arms and licking at his face. Yixing doesn’t know whether to find the scene cute or be horrified at the realization of Pepsi missing Baekhyun this much means he spent way too much time here. She’s never reacted this way before, even when she hadn’t seen Lu Han in a while she was disinterested in him.

 

Yixing  _ should not _ be feeling irrationally irate right now at both Baekhyun  _ and  _ Pepsi, hating that neither have their attention on him. Yixing sighs, knowing his thoughts are far too childish for someone his age.

 

“We’re not leaving until around ten, so you have plenty of time to get ready,” Yixing says as he leaves Baekhyun at the doorway to sit on the couch. Yixing watches as Baekhyun takes off his coat and scarf and then hauls his bag and Pepsi up to carry over to the couch before seating himself right next to Yixing.  _ This is okay, _ Yixing thinks and kind of doesn’t mind the lack of space between them. It’s also kind of weird, but then again, they have been apart for more than a month and they’ve gotten used to talking to each other over the phone or through text more often so it’s not like conversation  _ should _ be awkward. Yixing just hates how his chest continues to feel all too tight.  _ At least you don’t want to run. _ “So, why’d you come early?” he asks out of pure curiosity yet Baekhyun squints at him, letting out a tiny huff after.

 

“You got rid of the old couch,” Baekhyun comments instead of answering Yixing’s question as he glances around the room. Yixing picks a piece of imaginary lint off the new L-shaped, slate sectional he bought a little over a week ago. “It’s uncomfortable,” he pouts, then begins to wiggle where he sits as Pepsi sprawls across both his and Yixing’s laps. It’s normal to find things your friends do cute.

 

“Thought it was time for change,” Yixing says, knowing full well he got rid of the couch because of too many memories of Baekhyun, of Taekwoon even spent there. He needs to start completely fresh with no attachments to anything for his future love life. Too bad he can’t erase Pepsi’s memories of Baekhyun. “It’s nicer than the old one.”

 

“But it’s not broken in enough,” he complains. “Maybe this means I should come over more to help break it in. We could watch those silly documentaries you like.”

 

“They’re not silly,” Yixing sulks for a few seconds. “Besides, if we really did that you’d be too busy stealing all of Pepsi’s attention. You never really paid attention to them.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Baekhyun laughs and then adds, “Oh! Before I forget, I got Pepsi something.” Baekhyun then reaches into his bag to pull out a blue and white shark plushie that’s nearly as big as Pepsi. He lays the toy right next to her and it takes her less than a second to realize it’s for her. She ungracefully rolls off their laps before she’s taking the toy into her mouth and running around the living room with it. “Ah, she likes it,” he comments, satisfied smirk across his lips.

 

Yixing laughs as he takes out his phone to record a bit of her running. “You noticed she likes plushies?”

 

“Her bed is surrounded by them. It was the only thing I could think to give since I haven’t seen her in a while,” he says a bit quietly. “Are you hungry?” he then asks, effectively changing the topic.

 

“Well, I was deciding on what to order for dinner before you came over.” Yixing gets up and grabs Baekhyun, surprising Baekhyun  _ and himself. _ He shrugs the odd feeling away and pulls his friend up from the couch to lead him to the kitchen and then asks, “So what should we get?” as they stand in front of the refrigerator, letting go of Baekhyun’s hand.

 

“Fried chicken?” Baekhyun suggests.

 

“Don’t we always get that though?”

 

“There isn’t an  _ ‘always’ _ when we haven’t hung out like this in a while. Our last meal together was like a month ago.”

 

“Right,” Yixing drags out. “I’ll call the place down the street. It should still be open.”

 

“I want honey garlic and regular. And ask for fries and cheese sauce.”

 

Yixing hums in lue of giving a verbal answer and makes a quick call to place an order just like Baekhyun wants, fries included, and then goes to sit at the kitchen table. Baekhyun joins him a moment later. “They said it’ll be here in about an hour,” Yixing informs. “Want anything while we wait?”

 

“Um, hot cocoa?” Baekhyun says as Yixing stands. “This is new too,” he comments as he double taps the table. “Just how many things did you replace? The bookshelf and coffee table looked new too.”

 

“Everything I bought with Taekwoon,” he answers with a sigh and then adds, “or the big things at least.” Yixing grabs two plain mugs from the cabinet and goes to another to get instant packs of hot cocoa mix. “I just thought it was time. Plus, I’d rather have new things to prepare for when I eventually move. Feels like less hassle that way.”

 

“You’re planning to move?”

 

“Eventually, yeah. This was my uncle’s place and I don’t know. Feels like I need a place of my own. One that I actually picked out, though I want to stay in the same area so it’s not like I’ll really be going anywhere.”

 

“I see. You aren’t making homemade cocoa?”

 

“I ran out of cocoa powder,” Yixing lies, not really feeling up to making Baekhyun anything homemade for a good while. “Do you want something else?” he asks before he gets ready to put water into the electric kettle.

 

“White grape juice then?”

 

“I don’t have that either.” Yixing tsks when Baekhyun huffs all too loudly. “There’s aloe and mango juice. Or water.”

 

“We can walk to that GS down the street? It’ll pass time while we wait for dinner,” Baekhyun suggests. And while he really doesn’t feel like going out until it’s time to leave for N’s, Yixing could use the air. Then again, he doesn’t think he could handle being forced to talk to Baekhyun as they walk side by side. At least in his own apartment he could make up an excuse to go to another room or just focus on some TV program in case things get awkward. He can’t run away from walking. “I’ll even buy you those waffle cookies you like.”

 

“I’d rather not leave. The delivery guy could come early,” Yixing says and he hopes it’s a good enough excuse to keep Baekhyun sated.

 

“Okay,” Baekhyun pouts. “I’ll just wait until dinner and have water.”

 

“So,” Yixing drags out as he seats himself at the kitchen table again, “why’d you come over early?” and begins to tap his fingers against the glass top. “Was there something you wanted to talk about before we left?” He really can’t think of any other legitimate reason of why Baekhyun decided being here a few hours before planned was a good idea.

 

“Not really. I just wanted to make sure things weren’t weird between us,” he answers. Baekhyun then further explains, “It’ll be awkward enough with me around people I don’t know. I don’t need to be stressed about us too. I want us to be good before we leave.”

 

“We are good,” Yixing tries to reassure, even if he doesn’t fully believe in his own words.  

 

“Are we really when you’ve avoided me all month?” Baekhyun questions. “We’re talking normally now, but that could change ten minutes, an hour from now.”

 

It wouldn’t surprise Yixing in the least bit if tensions ran high or things became uneasy between them. All either would need to do is say one wrong word to irk the other for the worse. “But nothing’s happened yet,” Yixing points out. “We’re doing okay now and if we say something stupid, we’ll talk then and not worry about it now.”

 

“But Yixing—” Baekhyun starts to whine, but is interrupted.

 

“No, Baekhyun, we’re not doing this,” he says as gently as possible. “I know things haven’t been the best between us because of my feelings towards you, but let’s just let things naturally play out, even if it gets tense.”

 

“Why do you sound so mature all of a sudden? What happened to the Yixing that was avoiding me just yesterday.”

 

Yixing lets out a loud snort as he gets up. “Baekhyun, it’s been a month,” he starts and walks back into the living room; Baekhyun follows until they’re both seated. Yixing glances over to Pepsi who’s still very much in love with her new toy until she spots Baekhyun and leaves it behind in favor of climbing on his lap with help. He then continues, “Plus I did some thinking after I called you and I want us—I don’t want to keep running from you. I want us to be normal again. Or well, we should find a good balance between us.”

 

“And you really mean that?” Baekhyun asks softly and Yixing answers with a hum. “Then can I sit closer to you? It seemed fine earlier and it feels weird being all the way at the other end, but still—is it okay?”

 

Yixing hadn’t noticed Baekhyun deciding to sit at the opposite end and it really wouldn’t hurt. The only issue would be the tiny twinge in his heart. Yixing pats the space next to him. “Come here,” he sighs in content. Baekhyun carefully gets up to reposition himself next to Yixing before he’s calling Pepsi over to rest halfway on his lap. “I think being close to you is fine, just no sudden hugs or something.”

 

“Like you holding my hand a while ago?” Baekhyun smirks.

 

“Old habit,” Yixing coughs. “Anyway, what do you—” Yixing stops mid-sentence when his door buzzes. “Oh. I think the delivery guy came really early.”

 

“Get us drinks while I pay for dinner,” Baekhyun says as he shifts Pepsi off his lap.

 

Yixing nods and heads into the kitchen. He pours himself a cup of aloe juice and grabs a bottle of water for Baekhyun from the fridge. He looks over to the empty mug and decides to pour Baekhyun mango juice as well. Knowing Baekhyun, he’ll end up complaining about not having anything sweet to drink and want it anyway. He then grabs a few napkins and goes back into the living room to see Baekhyun settling their food on the coffee table. Yixing places their cups and Baekhyun’s water bottle carefully onto the table and plops down to the floor to join Baekhyun to begin eating.

 

“God, I’ve missed their chicken,” Baekhyun breathes out after taking a bite of what looks like a honey garlic wing. “They need to move to Wolgok.”

 

“Then what would I do without them?” Yixing asks.

 

“Come visit me and we can eat chicken at my place instead,” Baekhyun says over a mouthful of food. “Is this my mango juice?” he asks, already grabbing the mug filled with it.

 

Yixing snorts, “Of course,” and takes a sip of his own juice. “What do you want to watch?”

 

Baekhyun wipes his hand on a napkin and grabs the remote, going straight to Netflix. “Ah, you don’t use my account anymore,” he comments as he clicks Yixing’s profile.

 

“It didn’t feel right,” Yixing sighs. “So Kyungsoo offered his since he’s over here a lot.”

 

“Hm, did you ever finish Bird Box? You said you fell asleep on it when we talked about it.”

 

“I haven’t,” he answers. “Let’s watch that then?”

 

“Okay.” Baekhyun then searches for the movie, starting it from the beginning once found. Yixing also notes him changing the audio to its original English and putting Korean subtitles. 

 

“Why not Chinese audio?” Yixing asks.

 

“Because you can speak English,” he says right before dipping one of his fries into the cheese sauce. “I like hearing the original audio.”

 

It seems a bit ridiculous, but Yixing can’t even argue considering Baekhyun  _ is _ right about the English so he hums and says nothing further, slowly starting to pay attention to the movie as they eat. And it feels normal, easy, Yixing thinks as he watches the TV screen, to sit here in silence with Baekhyun, the only sound being their chewing before it dissolves into nothing but Baekhyun tapping his fingers against the carpet every now and then. And it feels  _ good _ to not have to worry about what to say or what to do next in fear of hurting Baekhyun or himself even further. And Yixing wonders if it’s because he’s gotten so used to speaking to Baekhyun through texts and phone calls that it’s so calm or the fact that maybe, he’s slowly falling out of love with Baekhyun. It makes his heart race with anxiety over not being in love, but it’s  _ supposed to be _ this way. Baekhyun doesn’t want him; he shouldn’t want him either. Yet Yixing knows deep down he does, maybe just a little less today than he did yesterday.

 

By the time time their third movie is a quarter way through, Yixing gets a text from Kyungsoo along with several emojis.

 

“Kyungsoo says they’re starting to meet up now,” Yixing informs and sets down his phone. “We should start getting ready.” He then stands as Baekhyun groans.

 

“Already? Then why are we leaving late?” Baekhyun asks.

 

“I don’t like to drink as much so I’d rather they get a head start. I’m usually done after one.” Yixing frowns remembering more times than necessary when he’s had far too much alcohol in his system and the headaches that came the morning after.

 

“I bet you’re cute when drunk,” he comments, slight chuckle to his voice. He then gently moves Pepsi from his lap to stand.

 

“Maybe,” Yixing smiles, brow raising, “You should go ahead and shower first if you need to.”

 

“Alright.” Baekhyun yawns and stretches before he’s grabbing his bag. “I’ll be in the bathroom.”

 

Baekhyun walks off and Yixing turns to his closet and frowns, almost wishing he wasn’t going out and was spending the rest of the night with Baekhyun instead. Then they could sit and talk and maybe cuddle then— _ No. You can’t have those kinds of thoughts anymore. _ Yixing clears his throat and grabs a half empty bottle of water on his dresser to chug down and clear his head with. 

 

Yixing lets out a large breath and gets back to thinking of what to wear. Usually, he’d just show up in jeans and a t-shirt despite the club being considered high end. Perks of being friends with the owner, he figures. Plus all he and his friends do is go up to the third floor where it’s mostly a lounge area and sit and drink. But now he actually has to put in effort thanks to Hakyeon going on and on about how New Year’s Eve was special and they needed to dress to show it. And Yixing really couldn’t say no to something like that. He’d probably be still let in, but he’d also probably wouldn’t hear the end of his friends’ laughter and teasing comments.

 

It takes a good fifteen minutes for Yixing to pick out his outfit for the night—a white oxford shirt and black trousers he’ll pair with an old, but decent pair of black brogue shoes he has in his shoe closet somewhere—and another ten for Baekhyun to waltz right into his room and Yixing nearly chokes on his own spit. Baekhyun wears tight, dark jeans that accentuate his thighs all too well along with a silk patterned button up with the first three buttons undone. Yixing has to pry his eyes away from what he can see of Baekhyun’s chest.

 

“Hey Yixing, should I use—you replaced your bed too?” Baekhyun says, eyes wide as he walks over to Yixing’s bed and touches the frame. “This is nice,” he comments as his fingers slide along the top.

 

_ Yes—focus on the bed frame. _ The expensive, wooden bed frame that Yixing purchased because Song Qian happened to be over and she offhandedly commented the randomly placed blue marble squares were pretty, but the cut-out squares made it easy to be tied up. “I replaced all the big things,” Yixing reminds.

 

“It’s better for sex, I guess,” Baekhyun mumbles and then turns to Yixing. This time, Yixing does choke on his spit, coughing included. And now he really can’t help but think of them, of the hours spent in this room having Baekhyun underneath him. “Okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Yixing rasps. “I need to get ready. Done with the bathroom?” he asks just to occupy his mind on anything other than indecent images of his  _ friend. _ Baekhyun nods. “We’ll leave after I’m ready which shouldn’t be too long,” he says as he grabs his clothes and quickly exits to the bathroom.

 

It doesn’t take much effort for Yixing to get ready; showering and getting dressed isn’t that hard. Plus there’s little to do with his hair and Yixing figures his natural waves will fit a club setting a lot better than straightening them out. He leaves the bathroom to find Baekhyun sitting on his bed, legs crossed and eyes glued down to his phone. Yixing then notices the leather jacket next to Baekhyun; he must have had it in his bag.

 

“We can head out soon,” Yixing says as he approaches Baekhyun.

 

As soon as Baekhyun peers up, Yixing has to look down because  _ god, _ Baekhyun is going to be the death of him tonight. And it’s such a subtle change to add a bit of eyeliner, but it makes Baekhyun all the hotter that Yixing would take the time to compliment in order not to drool over his  _ friend, _ but said friend starts laughing.

 

“What’s so funny?” Yixing asks as he sits next to Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun gives Yixing a once over as his laughing settles down. “You’re really wearing that? I know you said high-end, but really?”

 

Yixing remains speechless and looks down at his clothing.  _ He doesn’t like it? Is it not good enough? Should I change for him? _ “What’s wrong with it?” he asks before doing anything.

 

“Nothing,” Baekhyun smiles as he stands then pulls up Yixing right along with him before he puts on his jacket. Yixing glares at him. “It’s really nothing so let’s go.” He starts dragging Yixing out of the room.

 

“I can change into a different outfit.”

 

“No, no,” Baekhyun chuckles as he leads Yixing until they’re in the doorway. “You look fine. In a cute, nerdy way. Slightly rich asshole-ish, but cute.”

 

“I don’t want—”

 

“Shush,” Baekhyun silences him with as he zips his jacket and then puts on his boots, leaving his scarf behind. He then undoes the first few buttons and untucks Yixing’s shirt a bit. Yixing thinks he hears Baekhyun mumble something about not looking so stiff under his breath. “Put on your coat and shoes so we can go,” he says and grabs Pepsi’s leash before calling her over with a whistle. “You’re still dropping her off, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Yixing sighs and quickly finishes putting on his shoes and unlocks his door to let himself out. He wordlessly takes Pepsi’s leash from Baekhyun’s hands and walks down the hall. He doesn’t hear Baekhyun trailing behind. Once he reaches Nayeon’s door, he gives a double knock and waits. It doesn’t take long for Jihyo to answer the door. “Hey,” Yixing greets as he hands over Pepsi’s leash.

 

“Hi Yixing,” Jihyo beams as she bends down to unhook Pepsi’s leash, tossing it into the doorway, before scooping her up into her arms and stands. “And hello my baby,” she says and Pepsi starts licking her cheek. “Nayeon’s in the shower so she can’t say hi, but we’re all good to go until you call us tomorrow. Or the day after if you aren’t feeling too well.”

 

“Alright. I’ll see you three hopefully tomorrow,” Yixing says as he pats Pepsi’s head. He gives a tiny wave as Jihyo’s door shuts. He makes his way back to Baekhyun who’s waiting outside his door. When he reaches him, Yixing gives a simple, “Let’s go,” and continues walking.

 

“You really do look good so you can stop with that sour look,” Baekhyun comments as he slips his hand into Yixing’s and they wait for the elevator. And Yixing naturally wants to jerk away and maybe stand ten feet away from Baekhyun, but this is okay, he realizes, as the seconds tick by. They should get used to doing small, friendly gestures like this anyway. “It’s kind of unexpected for a club, but you did say high end and well, I’ve never been to one of those.” The elevator dings, but neither move. “Are we going to be okay if we show up like this?” he asks quietly, raising their hands. “We won’t get strange looks, right?”

 

“From my friends, maybe,” Yixing answers and tugs Baekhyun into the elevator. “Everyone else—it’s a not-so-secret gay club.”

 

Baekhyun smiles as he swings their hands back and forth. “That’s good.”

 

“Yeah,” Yixing grins back and they exit the elevator and apartment complex. “We’ll take a taxi there and it should be about a ten minute ride.”

 

Baekhyun nods as his nose begins to turn a soft red, making Yixing think his own questionable fashion choices were a better option. It takes five minutes of standing around in the cold for them to hail a cab and true to Yixing’s word, it does take around ten minutes to get to N—twelve silent minutes to be exact. They stand in front of a large glass building with tinted windows that go all the way up until its fifth floor. Only the top three floors are owned by Hakyeon while the other two serve as a restaurant and café that open as soon as N closes, but the bass from the music can already be felt beneath their feet.

 

And Yixing’s been here a thousand times but Baekhyun seems to be amazed as they walk up the stairs and pass the café doors; even from the outside, it looks a bit outlandish. Baekhyun continues to make small  _ ohs  _ and  _ ahs  _ the further they go, maybe because of the weird looking art that decorate the walls as they get to the third floor, weaving through people standing in line for or coming down from being denied entrance into N. As expected, the bouncer Yixing always forgets the name of is there waiting, blocking the way in. But when they reach him, recognition hits and he lets them inside without a problem.

 

If Baekhyun was amazed by simple artwork and fancy looking eateries, then he’s absolutely stunned by N. The neon lights that flash from the ceiling fill the club with a mystic aura to club, especially when they flicker over the large bar that sits in the center. There’s hardly a place to sit when a majority of the floor is used to dance, but the few seating areas give off an expensive vibe, even in the dark. Yixing thinks he hears Baekhyun mention how huge the inside actually is compared to how small it appears from the outside, probably because of the tall ceiling, but Yixing can barely hear Baekhyun’s mutterings over the music and focusing on trying not to get bumped into. He leads Baekhyun to a set of stairs that take them to the second floor of the club, which is more or less the same layout as the first, just a small difference in the color of the lighting.

 

“Where are you taking us?” Baekhyun asks as he practically hops onto Yixing’s back to audibly whisper in his ear.

 

“Ow,” Yixing grumbles as he turns to face Baekhyun. “Up,” he mouths and points in the same direction. He grabs Baekhyun’s hand once more to guide him to the third floor.

 

Upstairs, the music seems more muted as they enter a lounge type area with dimmed purple and blue lights and fancy looking artwork that lines the walls. There’s room for people to drink and chat at one of the large, black sofa seats in sets of two and four or one of the booths lined along the far left wall. Yixing sees the candles that usually decorate the glass table for each sofa set are nowhere in sight; the patrons will probably drink a lot more than usual tonight. Yixing glances over to the bar that’s along the back wall and doesn’t see Hakyeon and guides Baekhyun to their usual booth. 

 

Yixing spots Kyungsoo first, sitting at the end of the booth and talking to a server.  _ Song Qian, Lu Han, Fei, Hongbin, Taekwoon, Hakyeon—wait, Taekwo—that can’t be him? _ Yixing takes another look at his friends around the table from Kyungsoo all the way to Hakyeon and sure enough, that really is Taekwoon sitting comfortably between their mutual friends. Being around an ex is one of the last things he wants to do on a night he’s supposed to be celebrating the upcoming new year. Especially an ex who’s been pestering everyone in their friend circle to get his number to “reconnect.” Yixing would rather throw himself head first off a cliff.

 

_ “Fuck,” _ Yixing audibly groans. He might actually need to get drunk tonight.

 

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asks and stops Yixing from continuing forward and instead turns him back so they face each other.

 

“It’s my ex. He’s here,” he explains as he tilts his head in the direction of his friends.

 

“The same one you told me about? Why woul—we can leave if you want,” Baekhyun suggests as he tugs on Yixing’s sleeve. “We don’t have to stay and can go back you to your place.”

 

Yixing smiles at Baekhyun’s thoughtfulness, but Yixing doesn’t think he wants to be alone with Baekhyun when he looks—like Baekhyun—and might say something stupid. “It’s fine. He’s just annoying and I’d rather not deal with him. Let’s go.”

 

At least Hakyeon will be between them.

 

Or not.

 

Hakyeon removes himself from the booth and waves the table goodbye. He then walks straight in Yixing’s direction. Yixing stops to give himself a little more time away from Taekwoon.

 

“Yixing!” Hakyeon shouts as he pulls Yixing in for a tight hug and hard pat to the back. “Are you just getting here?”

 

“Yeah,” Yixing answers. “This is Byun Baekhyun,” he introduces as he pulls Baekhyun by the arm to his side.

 

“The same Byun Baekhyun that you’re in a complicated relationship with?” Hakyeon half-whispers as he glances at Baekhyun. Yixing can only nod in embarrassment as Baekhyun sucks in his bottom lip. “Nice to meet you; I’m Cha Hakyeon.”

 

“Byun Baekhyun, of course,” Baekhyun says quietly as he shakes Hakyeon’s hand. “And we’re friends. Just friends now. It’s not—we’re good.”

 

“Friendships can be complicated too,” Hakyeon smirks and Yixing has to hold in a sigh. Baekhyun opens his mouth, but Hakyeon continues, “Well, anyway, I have to get back to work. Club to run and all. It was nice meeting your Baekhyun and I’ll be able to hang out later, okay Xing?” Yixing simply hums. “And you’ll have to tell me if that guy a few days ago was worth it.”

 

As soon as Hakyeon is a few feet away, Baekhyun asks, “What guy from a few days ago?”

 

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Yixing brushes him off quickly and tries to lead them to his friends’ table, but Baekhyun keeps them in place. He’d rather not explain his new dating life. Yixing glances over toward Baekhyun, noticing a frown upon his lips. He leans in, whispering, “What’s wrong?”

 

Baekhyun juts out his bottom lip before whispering back, “Answer my question.”

 

Yixing takes a deep breath and says in a rush, “There was this guy I went on a date with. He was late and Hakyeon joked that maybe his dick would be worth it to make up for him being late. That’s it.”

 

“And so was it?” he follows up with.

 

“We didn’t do anything. And no, I haven’t yet with any other guy before you ask. Can we go now?” Yixing asks, irritatedly so.

 

Baekhyun squints. “I liked it better when it was just us. You’re all moody now.”

 

“I’m not,” he huffs. “Can we just go?”

 

He shakes his head. “I don’t like you being in the situation and you’re already dealing with me,” he sighs. “Let’s get out of here and go somewhere else. Or just go downstairs even.”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Yixing tries to reassure, but Baekhyun just eyes him skeptically and pulls him away from the direction of his friends and towards a more secluded area. “Baekhyun,” he groans when he’s pushed down into a sofa seat. Baekhyun sits on the arm.

 

“No, we’re talking through this before we have to deal with your ex. I told you I didn’t want things between us to be awkward and you said we’d talk things out. Now, tell me what’s going on in there,” Baekhyun says as he pokes Yixing twice on his temple. “You’re irritated with me for no reason.”

 

Yixing shrugs off his coat and leans back into the seat. “I’m not upset with  _ you, _ just the circumstances. I don’t want to deal with Taekwoon,  _ ever,  _ and it’s just annoying and then the dating thing. I wanted to tell you first, not have you find out from someone else.”

 

“But we’re friends, why would I care?” Baekhyun questions. “It isn’t like we’re going to date again.” Yixing tells himself that the bluntness of Baekhyun’s words aren’t going to get to him. Being irked by one person is already enough.

 

“Because you got mad at me last time I didn’t tell you I was dating,” Yixing admits.

 

“Yeah, back when I loved you and couldn’t stand the thought of you being with someone else.” Baekhyun then squishes himself right next to Yixing despite there being enough room for them both.

 

But more than that, Baekhyun  _ loved _ him? That seems far too impossible to believe. Baekhyun couldn’t have loved him because things would have been different. Yixing would have—done nothing.  _ You would have done nothing because Baekhyun wants nothing to do with you romantically, _ he reminds himself. “And that’s different now?” Yixing follows up with instead of asking about the L-word, even if he already has an inkling of what Baekhyun will say.

 

“Of course,” he answers, thumping Yixing on his forehead. “We’re just friends now. Friends don’t care if their friends date unless they’re dating a complete ass.”

 

“I see,” Yixing mumbles. He really should stop looking for hope where there is none. “Then you won’t care if I go home with someone tonight?” he asks, the idea of getting his mind off of Baekhyun is all too appealing.

 

“Don’t ditch me,” Baekhyun rushes out, voice uneven. “I haven’t seen you in forever so don’t leave me.” He quickly stands and pulls Yixing up with him, threading their fingers together. “Let’s go meet your friends.”

 

_ Odd. _ Yixing ignores Baekhyun’s behavior in favor of actually wanting alcohol in his system and grabs his coat before he leads them to where he remembers his friends being. When they arrive, Yixing notes that the seating arrangement unfortunately hasn’t changed which means Yixing slides himself into the booth, unfortunately right next to Taekwoon. Baekhyun then sits next to Yixing, pushing him a bit too close for comfort into Taekwoon, but Yixing supposes it can’t be avoided with so many at one table. He eyes the table full of alcohol and snacks, wondering how much his friends have already gone through in such a short amount of time.

 

“Hey,” Yixing says with a tiny wave to all his friends and Taekwoon. All eyes go straight to both Yixing and Baekhyun. “Everyone, this is Baekhyun, the same one I’ve, um, mentioned a few times. And Baekhyun, from the end that’s Kyungsoo, Song Qian, Lu Han, Fei, and Hongbin. My friends of course. ” Yixing then glances around the club, ready to call a server over until he sees Song Qian snickering and not so subtly pointing to Taekwoon.  _ Oh yeah. _ “And the person next to me is Taekwoon,” he yawns through.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Baekhyun quietly greets, enthusiasm clearly clacking.

 

“You don’t seem happy about meeting us at all,” Kyungsoo says as he scoots the bowl of tortilla chips closer to himself. “Oh, and do you want to switch seats Yixing?”

 

“I’m good,” Yixing answers. Switching places means being away from Baekhyun and he’s positive Baekhyun is more comfortable sitting next to him than anyone else. He did say not to ditch him after all.

 

“I’d like it if I were nowhere near Lu Han and an ex of Yixing’s,” Baekhyun says as soon as Yixing is done speaking. “But it’s really nice to meet the rest of you.”

 

The entire table, excluding Lu Han, laughs at Baekhyun’s comment though Taekwoon’s seems more of a sneer than anything else.

 

Once the laughter dies down, Yixing asks, “So what’ve y’all been up to?”

 

“Nothing but hearing Hongbin complain about his new job,” Fei answers, smile on her face as she holds her glass cup to her lips. “Told him he shouldn’t have quit his last company.”

 

Hongbin sticks out his tongue before stealing Fei’s cup right from her hand, purple drops hitting the table, and gulping down near all of her drink. “Pays more,” Hongin says, voice cracking thanks to Fei pinching his cheek.

 

“You’re paying for my next drink.”

 

“This one was free,” he points out, tilting the glass towards Fei. She rolls her eyes and Yixing chuckles at his friends. “Anyway, they keep giving me projects on top of the projects I already have. A few months in and I’m already stressed.”

 

“Should have gone into business,” Kyungsoo comments, mouth full of chips. “Then you could have been your own boss like Yixing and Hakyeon instead of fixing IT problems for some lousy insurance company. Being your own boss is a way better option than anything else."

 

“Sounds like you regret attempting the idol life,” Song Qian jumps in with.

 

“A little,” Kyungsoo admits. “I’m tired of being tired from training. I should have been a chef then Yixing and I could have been business partners.”

 

“Ah, but who’s going to be my favorite singer if you aren’t an idol?” Yixing questions as drinks are set down in front of him and Baekhyun. Yixing takes a sip of his go-to blueberry lemonade as Baekhyun just holds his glass of what looks like a long island iced tea with both hands. Hakyeon must have given the order to send them over.

 

“Uh, Chen?” both Fei and Hongbin say in unison.

 

“You even told me when I’m an idol that one of my goals should be to get his autograph for you,” Kyungsoo reminds, laughing through the last of his words. “Chen will always be your favorite singer.”

 

“Not true,” Yixing tries to deny. “You got my favorite voice!” Kyungsoo tsks as Yixing glances over to Baekhyun whose lips are flattened together. Yixing ignores his friends’ teasing on his love for Kim Jongdae aka Chen in favor of whispering to Baekhyun, “Something wrong?”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head and quietly says back, “It’s nothing.”

 

“You sure?” Yixing asks just in case.

 

“It’s really nothing,” he softly sighs. “I don’t need you thinking I’m petty or something.” Baekhyun then downs a bit of his beverage, hands continuing to clutch onto the glass.

 

Yixing hums and taps his fingers against the table. Obviously  _ something  _ is bothering Baekhyun even though his friends weren’t talking about much and he was fine not too long ago. So Yixing does the only thing he can think of and subtly tugs on Baekhyun’s arm by the elbow until Baekhyun’s letting go of his drink and swats Yixing’s hand away.

 

Baekhyun mouths an annoyed, “What?”

 

Yixing glares at Baekhyun and reminds himself that he’s trying to make Baekhyun somehow feel better, not react childishly. So he slides slides his hand off the table to grab Baekhyun’s hand. Maybe it’ll offer some sort of reassurance he needs right now. When Baekhyun squeezes down gently and looks at him with a pout on his lips, Yixing figures he did something right and smiles back. Yixing then tries to catch what his friends are talking about now and from the sound of it, all attention is on Taekwoon.  _ Just great. _ He forces himself to listen as Taekwoon’s lips move.

 

“—and they asked if I wanted to take up the offer and it was perfect for what I want to do with my career so I said yes,” Taekwoon finishes.

 

“But you’re back in Korea for good, right Taekwoon?” Hongbin asks. Yixing rolls his eyes; he should be well aware that Taekwoon is back, permanently supposedly.  _ They all do. _ Now Yixing just wonders where the hell this conversation is going when Hongbin smirks and wiggles his eyebrows in his direction. He should have stayed focused on Baekhyun, even if rude.

 

Taekwoon sips on his drink as he nods. “Japan was nice, but it doesn’t beat home,” Taekwoon says, emphasizing the  _ home _ part as he looks directly at Yixing and grazes his hand over Yixing’s thigh. Yixing wants to gag. “It made me realize how selfish I was back then to leave a good thing behind.”

 

Yixing hates how Baekhyun lets go of his hand to chug down nearly all of his drink, topic probably uncomfortable for him too. “Some  _ ‘good things’ _ end for the better,” Yixing comments and then takes several gulps of his lemonade. He’ll probably need to do this a dozen more times to get through the night if it’s going to revolve around his love life. “People change and move on.”

 

“Sometimes moving on isn’t what’s best though,” Lu Han chimes in with. “I mean, take you and Taekwoon, you two were really good for each other, but a job got in the way. It wasn’t something silly like fucking around for months. Your love was _ real. _ ”

 

Yixing can  _ feel _ Baekhyun freeze right next to him before there’s a hand clutching at his thigh. And Yixing wishes he knew the right words to say to comfort Baekhyun, to let him know that every bit of what they had was as real as any other relationship, and yet Yixing can’t bring himself to defend Baekhyun—to defend  _ them _ when he isn’t sure if Baekhyun had ever cared for him beyond simple infatuation. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to utter a word when Fei and Kyungsoo both laugh and opts to hold Baekhyun’s hand again.

 

“Please, they were a fucking disaster,” Kyungsoo says, jumping back into the conversation. “If he really cared for Yixing, he would have made the relationship work, even if long distance was a possibility for a while. We all remember how Yixing was willing to follow him.”

 

“True,” Fei adds. “He didn’t even bother asking Yixing how their relationship was going to work.”

 

“Besides, we all know I’d never get back with an ex,” Yixing finds the energy to say and makes a mental note to buy Kyungsoo and Fei drinks later. “When we’re done, we’re done for good.” He then feels the grip on his hand tighten.

 

“You never know,” Lu Han says, taking a large gulp of his beer. “Life can pull you in directions you didn’t expect.”

 

“Yeah, well Taekwoon certainly isn’t one,” Yixing states directly, earning a scoff from Taekwoon. God, he can’t even and doesn’t want to imagine what loving Taekwoon again would be like. 

 

“Then I guess Baekhyun wouldn’t be either?” Lu Han asks, smug grin across his lips. “Since you don’t like to date the same person twice and all. And maybe some forgotten roads are meant to be traveled down again.”

 

Yixing shrugs, “We never dated so who knows, but I don’t like looking back,” and watches as Baekhyun finishes off the rest of his drink. “But you’re the last one I’d want to hear relationship advice from considering how you and Junmyeon ended so let’s move on.”

 

“Let’s get more drinks!” Song Qian shouts. “We obviously haven’t had enough. I want to see Yixing act cute. He needs something stronger.”

 

“I’m not cute,” Yixing mumbles, thankful for Song Qian’s outburst. By the end of the night he’ll owe everyone but Lu Han and Taekwoon drinks by the end of the night, Hongbin still pending.

 

“Don’t lie,” Song Qian singsongs. “You’re adorable when drunk. And have zero balance. Bet you’ll start soon.”

 

“What does she mean by that?” Baekhyun asks Yixing directly yet loud enough for the entire table to hear.

 

“He can’t hold his alcohol  _ at all, _ ” Song Qian answers and then adds, “I’m a little shocked half his drink is already gone. He usually sips on the same one all night. But I guess tonight is a little different.”

 

“Different?” Baekhyun questions.

 

“It’s New Year’s Eve,” she simply states, but Yixing is well aware she means Taekwoon being here.

 

“That’s enough for anyone to celebrate more,” Hongbin says. “Now, let’s get another round of drinks! Pretty sure everyone needs them.”

 

Kyungsoo then waves his hand in the air to call a server over. Yixing doesn’t pay attention to much after everyone but him gets another drink, courtesy of Hongbin. Instead he focuses on Baekhyun his folded hands placed in his lap and how spaced out he is when conversation has shifted away from anyone’s romantic interests.

 

“Do you want to leave? Even for a little while?” Yixing whispers right in Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun looks to him and shakes his head. “Don’t lie.”

 

“I’m not,” Baekhyun sighs quietly. “Just a bit nervous to meet people who might not see me in the best light. I  _ did _ hurt you.” Baekhyun then tastes a bit of his new, pink drink and sticks out his tongue in disgust. Yixing chuckles when Baekhyun slides his glass away from himself. “Lu Han can—he’s whatever. But we should be celebrating instead of worrying over small stuff.”

 

“It’s not small stuff if you get—”

 

Yixing doesn’t finish his words when Taekwoon, of all people, interrupts him with an unimportant, “How’ve you been Yixing?”

 

Yixing scoffs and he ignores Taekwoon by shifting away from his ex to be turned more towards Baekhyun. He feels Taekwoon tap on his shoulder, but ignores that too. “We can just hang out at the bar for a bit if you want,” Yixing suggests.

 

“No, it’s fine, really,” Baekhyun half-smiles. “Besides, you should talk to your ex. Get him out of the way so we can spend the rest of the night enjoying ourselves with your friends. And Lu Han if he stops being an asshole.”

 

Baekhyun does make a good point, even if a surprise. Maybe if he talked to him, it’ll make Taekwoon realize he wants zero to do with him. Baekhyun is a genius.

 

“Ah, you’re always so smart and cute,” Yixing beams, light tone to his voice. So Yixing listens to Baekhyun, a bit reluctantly, and faces Taekwoon once more, missing the way Baekhyun’s cheeks flush pink from the compliment. “What do you want?” he asks Taekwoon.

 

“No need to be harsh, Yixing,” Taekwoon says, holding both hands up toward his own chest. “I just want to catch up, nothing more. We should at least be cordial with one another since we have mutual friends.”

 

“Is that why you’ve been telling Lu Han you regret how we ended and wanted to reconnect?” Yixing questions. He’s tired of hearing from Lu Han how much Taekwoon wants to meet up with him to apologize. Their relationship ended for a reason. “Was me ignoring you at my own birthday party not enough? We don’t need to talk just because our friends do. I’m completely fine not speaking to you when we’re in the same room.” Taekwoon bites his own lip and taps his fingers repeatedly on his thigh, a habit of his Yixing wishes he didn’t remember so he glares at him out of spite. He shouldn’t recall a single thing about an ex. “We’re not anything,” he sighs.

 

“Then what about Baekhyun? Why is he special?” Taekwoon asks bitterly.

 

Yixing glances back when he feels Baekhyun scoot a bit closer. Hakyeon’s back and he easily strikes up a conversation with Baekhyun. “Nothing about Baekhyun concerns you,” Yixing mumbles through taking a quick sip of his lemonade. Taekwoon shakes his head and crosses his arms and Yixing knows he isn’t accepting that answer. “We were ever only friends and nothing came from us fucking. Feelings were involved, but it went nowhere,” he hates to admit. “So here we are as friends.”

 

“Then are you waiting for him to change his mind?” Taekwoon states rather than asks. “I know you better than anyone Xing and you don’t give up until the very end.”

 

And Yixing wishes he could deny Taekwoon’s claim right away, but there is huge a part of him that prays Baekhyun will change his mind despite how much he’s said all they could be is friends. But more than that, Yixing is irked by the fact that Taekwoon probably still knows him better than anyone. “Whatever,” is all Yixing can think to say.

 

“So I’m right?” Taekwoon smirks, raising his glass and giving a small cheers to himself. “You don’t have to look so put off.”

 

“Well, having my ex know me better than anyone is annoying.”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

“Of course you don’t.” Yixing finishes off his drink and reaches across the table to take Lu Han’s. He doesn’t seem to notice from how involved he seems with the rest of their friends and their conversation of whose pet is better. If he weren’t preoccupied with Taekwoon, Yixing’s sure he and Baekhyun could win that argument because Pepsi really is the best dog,  _ best pet ever.  _ Or at least chime in on Baekhyun’s current conversation with Hakyeon and how he started N with with his sister.

 

“I don’t. It makes me very happy actually. Especially how cutely irritated you look right now,” he says leaning into the back of the booth, sly smile plastered on his face.

 

Yixing rolls his eyes before gulping down on his new red—something, knocking the straw out of the way. “You—you don’t get to call me cute anymore,” he breathes out. Maybe he should steal Lu Han’s drinks more often because whatever it is tastes amazing, he thinks as he sucks through the straw this time. “Don’t look at me like that either,” he says scrunching his nose.

“Like what?” Taekwoon hums.

 

_ All googly-eyed like you still love me,  _ Yixing thinks.  _ Disgusting. _ “With such an ugly face.”

 

“I forgot how childishly cute your insults could be when you're drunk,” he laughs.

 

“I’m not drunk. Yet,” Yixing tries to deny. If anything he’s tipsy at best despite not being here that long. Him being able to somewhat tolerate Taekwoon should be proof of that. Anyway, he’s had enough of chatting with his ex. “We should—”

 

“Awe, look at you two,” Song Qian coos when she jumps into Yixing’s and Taekwoon’s conversation. “Never thought I’d see you two talking so peacefully again. Yixing  _ hated _ you for a long time.”

 

Yixing tries to get a word in of how, at the very least, he still dislikes Taewoon when Lu Han unnecessarily adds, “True. Look at how easily they’re talking now.”

 

But it seems like he doesn’t have to say one word when he feels Baekhyun hooking his chin over his shoulder and a quiet, “I got this,” whispered into his ear. He then tugs him back until he’s sitting properly and not facing Taekwoon and places a hand on Yixing’s shoulder. “Guess you weren’t paying attention when he thought it’d be best for him to get talking with his ex out of the way so he could enjoy the rest of the night.”

 

Song Qian giggles, “Is that so?” and watches as Baekhyun slips his hand down over Yixing’s arm before their fingers are locked together. Yixing tries his best not to find any meaning behind Baekhyun’s touch.  _ He’s helping you deal with Lu Han and Taekwoon. _ He glances over to see both Lu Han and Taekwoon scowling. Hongbin, for some reason, looks unimpressed. Song Qian then munches on a chip as she says, “You two are cuter than I imagined. Yixing looks so happy around you. Are you really not going to work things out? Yixing can be stupid sometimes, but he’s a good guy.”

 

“We’re good as friends,” Yixing quickly states before he’ll hear something he doesn’t want to from Baekhyun. He doesn’t dare look at him either.

 

“Probably better off that way though,” Hongbin offhandedly comments, slugging down some of his beer after. “Fuckbuddies never work out.”

 

“Please don’t start,” Fei sighs and then glances toward Baekhyun as she says, “He’s been scorned so he’s a bit biased.”

 

“I’m just saying,” Hongbin shrugs. “Yixing was lucky it ended as soon as it did. Though you already had odds stacked against you considering ol’ Baekhyun here was getting over his ex boyfriend, right? Common sense would say you were just another notch in his bed post.” Yixing winces when Baekhyun’s nails dig hard into his palm; it helps him bite his tongue for now. “Your relationship never had a chance.”

 

“Hongbin, that’s enough,” Kyungsoo warns. “We’re supposed to be celebrating.”

 

“That’s right!” Hakyeon cheers. “No negative talk in my club.” He then waves for a server to come over. “I’ll get everyone another round.”

 

“You’re my favorite,” Kyungsoo says and Yixing peers over to see that Kyungsoo’s already finished his second—or maybe it’s his third—drink for the night. “We need more nachos too. And mozza sticks.”

 

Hakyeon chuckles, “Alright.” When the server steps closer into view, Yixing realizes it’s Hakyeon’s sister instead. She takes each person’s order before reminding Hakyeon to not go too crazy with treating his friends and promising to tell someone at the bar to make their drinks top priority. “Bomin’s the best. Now, let’s—”

 

“Get back to our previous conversation,” Lu Han interrupts. “I think Hongbin was making some excellent points.”

 

“He really wasn’t,” Yixing sighs and grips Baekhyun’s fingers impossibly tighter as he wonders just how spiteful Lu Han plans on being tonight. “Stop being a dick and let’s move on.”

 

“No,” Lu Han breathes out. “Because it really isn’t fair that you’re parading Baekhyun around us, around Taekwoon who actually wants you.”

 

“ _ Parading? _ We’re  _ friends, _ Lu Han, something you seemed to have forgotten how to be,” Yixing gets out, anger laced in every word. Baekhyun scoots in close and whispers,  _ Don’t argue over something so stupid, _ just as Yixing continues, “Why do you care so much about who I’m involved with?”

 

Hongbin speaks in Lu Han’s place as he says, “I don’t know what his personal grudge against Baekhyun is, but don’t you think it’s a bit silly to attach yourself to someone like him?” The entire table groans as Yixing mouths to Baekhyun,  _ ‘Want out?’ _ Baekhyun shakes his head and mouths back,  _ ‘I want to see this out,’ _ and Yixing nods even though he wants to point out how Baekhyun’s face says the exact opposite. He wouldn’t mind running away for him. It would probably also help with the need to punch Lu Han and Hongbin a little. Hongbin goes on, “Damaged goods wouldn’t have been worth the hassle. He’d never love you, more like just fuck and dump you.”

 

“That ended up happening anyway,” Lu Han adds, slimy smugness to his voice. “Which is why I don’t understand how you could sit there comforting Baekhyun while Taekwoon is here. At least you never had to question if he loved you.”

 

There’s a small whine in Yixing’s ear and Yixing looks at Baekhyun.  _ Shock? Anger? Horror? _ Yixing doesn't know to accurately describe the expression on Baekhyun’s face, but he sees the few tears that have fallen and it makes Yixing all the more  _ pissed  _ that Lu Han, that Hongbin could say such things on behalf of  _ Taekwoon? _ The same Taekwoon that left him hurt and confused without a single explanation. Baekhyun is  _ his  _ business alone and much as Yixing wants to curse and give them the punch they more than deserve, he can’t stoop to their level in Hakyeon’s club of all places.

 

So he stands and pushes gently at Baekhyun’s side to get him to start moving. “I need to go to the restroom,” Yixing hurriedly states as Baekhyun scoots himself out of the booth as soon as Hakyeon does and Yixing slides himself out. “I’ll be back,” he says to his friends and grabs Baekhyun’s wrist before he can sit back down. Leaving with Baekhyun should say more than words ever could.

 

“Yixing, it’s okay. I’ll be fine there on my own,” Baekhyun protests, voice shaking as he tries to tug himself free. Yixing keeps pulling him forward and Baekhyun seems to give up. “We aren’t really going to the restroom are we?” he then asks, words a lot more calm when there’s a comfortable distance between them and his friends.

 

Yixing doesn’t answer and lets his actions speak as he takes Baekhyun to the other side of the club to the bar where they’re out of sight. Once the both of them are settled, hands still entwined, Yixing says, “I’m sorry. They—they shouldn’t have said those things back there. It  would have been better if we just stayed at home.” Yixing uses his shirt sleeve to wipe at Baekhyun’s face.

 

Baekhyun frowns, but visibly relaxes. 

 

“It’s fine,” he waves off despite tremble in his voice and quickly orders himself a strawberry daiquiri and goes on, “I don’t care what Hongbin and _Lu Han especially_ think of me. Hongbin is looking out for his friend to get back with you and Lu Han’s just a dick. I don’t think he’s ever liked me since I met you. Or at least until our thing got complicated. I thought we were good work friends.”

 

“It still isn’t okay,” Yixing huffs, still a bit shocked his friends—at least Hongbin—would act that way. He doesn’t understand why they’re dead set on him rekindling a relationship with Taekwoon. “We’re all grown and yet—anyway, you don’t need to be around that all night. It wasn’t the first rude thing they’ve said.”

 

“It’s whatever, but you—you don’t believe them, right?” Baekhyun asks, Yixing hating how scared he sounds.

 

Yixing lets go of his hand only to softly cup Baekhyun’s cheek. “Baekhyun, shouldn’t it be obvious that you mean more to me than that?” he asks in return, smiling. “They’re—I don’t know,  _ ‘whatever,’ _ as you put it, but I trust you enough to believe that you’ve been honest about your feelings.” Baekhyun then removes Yixing’s hand from his face to hold it again as he sucks on his bottom lip. “We didn’t fail because you’re damaged—you’re not—we failed because of us, just the choices we made.”

 

Baekhyun’s drink is sat in front of him and he uses his free hand to taste it. “Thanks,” he says trying to hide a smile, “but you can go back to them if you want. I’ll just stay over here for a while so they won’t think anything strange is going on.”

 

Yixing shakes his head. “I want to stay over here with you.”

 

A soft  _ ‘oh,’ _ passes through Baekhyun’s lips before he’s outright smiling. “But are you sure that’s okay? They are your friends and I can fend for myself for a while.” Baekhyun begins to swivel back and forth on the bar stool, slightly moving Yixing along with him.

 

“Are you trying to get rid of me after saying not to ditch you?”

 

“No, I’m just—today is weird. Your friends who barely know me are judging me. And us—we—I like how we are,” he mumbles and Yixing tilts his head. “It actually feels like we can have a normal conversation without it getting awkward for the most part. And it felt nice that you took me away from your friends and want to stay over here. With me. Even if it doesn’t last long.”

 

“Isn’t that how friends are supposed to be?” Yixing questions. “I invited you out and it would be rude to just leave you by yourself just because my friends don’t want you around me.”

 

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Some were nice though. I like them. The nice ones.” Baekhyun lets go of Yixing’s hand before leaning into Yixing’s side, making himself comfortable against his arm. They spend the next few minutes in silence, Yixing only moving to taste Baekhyun’s daiquiri and wave the bartender over to order something similar. The only thought on Yixing’s mind is how content he feels in bar of all places. When Baekhyun does decide to speak again, he lets out a quiet, “Buy my next three drinks,” causing Yixing to laugh.

 

“How drunk are you planning on getting?” Yixing chuckles through, taking a light sip of his own drink and deciding it’ll be his last one for the night, head feeling a bit light. “You’ve barely touched the one in front of you.”

 

“Enough to—” Baekhyun sits up and eyes Yixing carefully.  _ Weird. _ “It’s a late Christmas gift from you. Don’t question it,” Baekhyun demands playfully.

 

In return, Yixing jokes, “Then where’s my gift?”

 

“Pepsi’s toy shark _ is  _ your gift.” Baekhyun takes a huge gulp of his drink and spins himself around on the stool a few times. “But can I ask you something?” Baekhyun asks once he’s stopped. Yixing nods hesitantly, curious to what he could bring up now. Hopefully not love related. “You were replacing stuff and I was wondering is my mug still there? The one with the zebra and giraffe.”

 

_ Oh. That’s easy! _ “Uh, I replaced that too kind of,” he answers, but as soon as Baekhyun’s face falls, he’s quick to stutter out, “Not how you think! It chipped while I was doing the dishes. I still have it, but I also bought a new one you could use if you really want me to throw it out,” almost knocking his glass  _ over. Problem solved though. _

 

“Really?” Baekhyun appears skeptical yet his eyes light up. “What’s the new one look like?”

 

Yixing explains, “It’s all brown with a puppy face on the front and puppy paws on the back with the word ‘woof’ in English.”

 

“Sounds cute,” he grins. “Show me next time I come over? And make me hot cocoa.” Yixing nods a few too many times and wonders if that’s what has Baekhyun snickering. “Now tell me a funny childhood story. I didn’t hear enough of them when we were together.”

 

“Are you even going to remember?” he teases.

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I’m not that drunk yet,” he says as he playfully pushes at Yixing’s chest. “Besides, you’re the one with red cheeks. I can’t believe you’re worse with alcohol than me. I thought you’d need like two or three not one.”

 

Yixing pats his cheeks with both hands.  _ I don’t feel hot or drunk? How can he see my skin properly under these lights? _ “I’m not even tipsy yet, he pouts.”

 

“Sure, sure. Now, story time!” he cheers, clapping his hands together.

 

“Okay, okay.” Yixing takes a swig of his drink and thinks of the perfect story to share.

  
  
  
  
  


“—and then he still wanted to fuck me,” Yixing laughs through, recalling the ending of his last date. “Wasn’t worth it at all.”

 

"That’s good," Baekhyun sighs softly as he plays with the fingers of Yixing’s free hand.

 

They’ve relocated to one of the sofa seats, still far removed from Yixing’s friends. Baekhyun sits sideways, one of his legs thrown over Yixing’s lap as Yixing leans back into their seat. He’s still got his drink he ordered directly from the bar a while ago—or more like  _ their  _ drink considering Baekhyun’s been stealing little sips from his glass every now and then. It’s nearly gone now and Yixing thinks of ordering another, but Baekhyun’s already had five and he’s on his third, far more than he, and apparently Baekhyun, is used to. But he feels all too comfortable around Baekhyun and one more drink  _ shouldn’t _ hurt and the alcohol loosened him up, a single negative thought of him and Baekhyun gone from his mind. It’s probably why they’ve told story after story without fear of the other’s reaction and— _ oh yeah. _ He was at the end of one and Baekhyun said good?

 

“Good?” Yixing questions, eyebrow raised. “What’s good?”

 

Baekhyun begins to hum, addicting melody playing in Yixing’s ears, snuggling a little closer to Yixing. Baekhyun then takes their glass, setting it off to the side. “Don’t know,” Baekhyun mutters before cackling through a, “Something’s good.” He pokes at Yixing’s dimple. “Don’t frown. Makes you look less cute.” Yixing makes his frown even deeper, causing Baekhyun to laugh. “You’re silly,” he says, grabbing both of Yixing’s hands.

 

The air grows quiet and Yixing peers down at his own hands, watching as Baekhyun continuously links and untwines their fingers together. It’s calming and Yixing is surprised at how at peace he feels with Baekhyun. It’s probably thanks to the alcohol, and Yixing hates himself a little because it took him being a bit drunk to not feel any sort of bitterness towards Baekhyun. But maybe Kyungsoo was right and this was needed because being sober while being in Baekhyun’s presence doesn’t seem so bad now. Sober Yixing should be able to handle Baekhyun and not question every tiny detail. Maybe a little less touchy, but even this—sitting on a sofa seat practically cuddling with Baekhyun—doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would when they got to this point.

 

So Yixing relaxes into Baekhyun, wrapping his arm around Baekhyun’s waist and catching him off guard. Baekhyun’s mouth forms into a small ‘o’ shape before a wide grin appears and he’s burying his face in Yixing’s neck. They’re so caught up in each other that when a server taps Yixing on his shoulder, he jumps from the sudden touch.

 

“Hello,” the server quickly greets, holding a tray with what looks like a strawberry daiquiri. “The guy at the bar in the shiny red shirt sent this over for you,” he says as he hands the drink over to Yixing.

 

“Uh, thanks?” Yixing says as the server leaves. “I don’t trust this,” he comments, scowling and stirring the drink with the straw. He looks over to the bar and Shiny Red Shirt looks sleazy when he smiles and waves Yixing’s way. “I don’t want it.”

 

Baekhyun detaches himself completely and takes the drink from Yixing’s hand. “Kind of rude to send this,” Baekhyun huffs. “Most normal people would think we’re a couple and leave us alone. I should give it back.”

 

When Baekhyun tries to stand Yixing pulls him back down, spilling some of his unwanted on the ground. “Stay,” he says, taking the daiquiri back and ungracefully placing the glass on the floor and causing more of it to splash on the ground. He’s friends with Hakyeon so he won’t mind, Yixing reasons. He then tugs Baekhyun back to his side. “We didn’t do anything when you got sent drinks,” he points out.

 

“It’s different, Yixing,” he breathes against Yixing’s neck, making him squirm.

 

Yixing groans and pushes him away slightly. “Watch my neck.”

 

Baekhyun giggles out a, “No,” and clings to Yixing with both arms.

 

“How’s it different?” Yixing asks once Baekhyun has resettled himself nearly on Yixing’s lap. He doesn’t get a verbal response, instead he hears Baekhyun let out an indifferent hum of sorts before he’s quietly singing to himself. When Baekhyun doesn’t try to strike up conversation a few minutes after he stops singing, Yixing asks, “Are you getting sleepy, Baekhyun?” as he runs his hand through Baekhyun’s hair.

 

“No,” he drawls. “But Yixing,” Baekhyun says so quietly that Yixing almost misses it, “don’t replace me.”

 

“Replace? How would I even do that?” Yixing questions. He peers down to see Baekhyun’s eyes closed and then glances around the club, noticing the workers handing out something to the customers. It must be close to midnight and Yixing remembers his original purpose for even coming to N—go celebrate New Year with friends. He really doesn’t want to be anywhere near Lu Han or Taekwoon and Hongbin even, but the rest of his friends are probably still there and he could quickly leave with Baekhyun after. Plus Baekhyun could use the short walk back to wake himself up a little. “Hey,” he starts as he sits up properly; Baekhyun groans as the movement. “We should get back to the table. It’s almost midnight.” He double checks his phone and thinks it says they have about ten minutes left before the new year rolls in.

 

“Don’t want to,” Baekhyun says and flattens his lips together. “It wasn’t fun before.” Yixing loosens himself from Baekhyun and stands anyway. Baekhyun lets out a large huff and follows suit. Then he’s smiling, stepping in close enough to hook his hands on Yixing’s neck and shoulder. “Or we could stay here in our own little world.”

 

And they could. It’s not the worst idea and it isn’t like any of his friends have come to check on them, probably thinking they left by now. And being here alone with Baekhyun has been pure bliss with getting to know Baekhyun a little more from how he sold his phone number back in high school to help raise funds for a class trip and Taeyeon playing a food prank involving cucumbers. However, it’s also been torture to have Baekhyun this close, practically flirting with him all night with gentle touches on his arm or unnecessarily, sweetly whispering in his ear to tell him a silly joke or how happy he is. It has him foolishly thinking of one too many scenarios of a future with Baekhyun. They  _ really _ need to get back or else Yixing’s sure he’ll say something stupid the very first minute of New Year’s.

 

“Tempting. You’re always so tempting,” Yixing says, thumbing over Baekhyun’s cheek. Yixing would swear up and down that Baekhyun’s blushing if weren’t for the fact that he’s absolutely sure the pink flush of Baekhyun’s comes from how much he’s had to drink. “Let’s go.”

 

_ “Yixing,”  _ Baekhyun whines repeatedly for the next several steps as Yixing takes him by the wrist and guides him back to their table through an even more crowded club. All of them are still there minus Kyungsoo. Yixing figures he’ll be back shortly. “Why,” he pouts when they reach his friends. 

 

“You finally came back,” Fei comments with a tiny wave and sips on her drink.

 

“Probably had enough of being around Baekhyun,” Lu Han laughs, ugly grin spreading across his lips as Taekwoon joins him in laughter.

 

Yixing hears Baekhyun let out a soft whine and maybe it’s the alcohol in him that makes Yixing pull Baekhyun back against his chest, wrapping his arms loosely around him. Baekhyun leans back into his embrace and twists just enough for his lips to brush against Yixing’s jaw and smiles. “Getting tired of me, Yixing?” Baekhyun sings and Yixing tightens his hold.

 

Yixing makes sure to stare at Lu Han, at Taekwoon as he gives a low, “Never,” and squishes his cheek against Baekhyun’s.

 

“I’m blushing,” Baekhyun giggles and turns around to face Yixing. He then latches onto Yixing’s shoulders and whispers, “Taekwoon is angry. And so is Lu Han.” Yixing glances over to see both his ex and friend red in the face, brows knitted with a frown to top it all off. “I don’t really care about your ex, but I’m enjoying pissing Lu Han off.”

 

“Good,” Yixing whispers back. “I don’t think I’ll ever fully forgive him until he properly apologizes to you.”

 

“Yeah?” Baekhyun hums as he pulls back just slightly before lopping his arms around Yixing’s neck; natural instinct has Yixing holding Baekhyun at his waist. Yixing simply nods and tugs Baekhyun close. “I miss us like this.”

 

“And what is this?” Yixing asks, light yet curious tone to his voice.

 

“Us like this,” Baekhyun singsongs, before resting his head in the crook of Yixing’s neck for what feels like the thousandth time tonight. Yixing knows he’ll never tire of it, wishing it was a more permanent, more intimate gesture as he holds Baekhyun tighter. “We should stay drunk forever.”

 

“Our livers wouldn’t appreciate that,” Yixing chuckles.

 

“My heart would.”

 

Yixing forgets how to breathe.  _ His heart? Why is he so, so—Baekhyun. _ “Don’t be silly. I’d never get over you then,” he attempts to get out as lighthearted as possible. Hopefully Baekhyun won’t notice how nervous he really is.

 

“I don’t think that’d be a—” Baekhyun stops speaking when Hongbin taps him on the shoulder and Yixing frowns. He thought he was sitting down. “Um, yes?” Baekhyun turns around, letting go of Yixing completely with all too audible sigh.

 

“I just wanted to apologize for earlier,” Hongbin starts. “I didn’t mean for it to go that far or for you both to end up leaving.”

 

“It’s um, okay I guess,” Baekhyun says, dragging out each word. “Is it okay, Yixing?” he asks, peering back for a second.

 

“Whatever you want,” Yixing answers, not caring if Baekhyun forgives Hongbin or not, but his friend will definitely have to find a way to make up for his rude behavior to Yixing personally.

 

“Is that it?” Baekhyun asks, irritated.

 

“Erm, yeah. That’s it,” Hongbin says. “I’ll talk to you later Yixing.” He then goes to sit back down.

 

“He’s annoying,” Baekhyun yawns through as he turns around to face Yixing only. “Where were we?”

 

Yixing gulps and says thoughtfully, “About to sit next to people you’re tolerating for now?” with a forced grin.

 

Baekhyun shakes his head and pinches both of Yixing’s cheeks. “You know that’s not it,” he smiles.

 

“Is that so?”

 

Baekhyun hums and loops his arms around Yixing’s neck like he had before. And Yixing doesn’t think of much when Baekhyun closes the distance between them so his face can be buried in the crook of his neck. It kind of tickles, but Yixing bears with it to stay near and Baekhyun’s probably getting sleepy anyway so there’s no point in telling him to move right this instant when they can go back home and rest shortly. It’s not until Baekhyun drops his hands to guide Yixing’s own to his waist that his heart begins to race.

 

“We were a little more like this?” Baekhyun asks, cutely, with a tilt of his head and circles his arms back around Yixing’s neck.

 

Yixing doesn’t answer right away and glances over to his friends, most aren’t paying them any attention. Then there’s Kyungsoo’s eyes that weigh heavy on him in disbelief as he slips back into the booth and Fei’s smile that gives warning. Rather than leave them to be judged by his friends, Yixing leads them both a little ways back, bumping into a few people. If he cranes his neck, he’s still able to spot his friends, but that’s becoming more difficult with how many people were allowed on the third floor tonight in celebration.

 

Once they’re grounded—Yixing’s back against a wall—Baekhyun begins to sway them back and forth as the club goers start to countdown from sixty. And Yixing admires just how handsome Baekhyun really is. The downward slope of his mouth. The tiny mole at the corner of his lips. The cute droop of his eyes. Everything about Byun Baekhyun is beautiful and Yixing can’t help the little flutter in his heart. When the countdown reaches ten, Baekhyun inches closer and closer and his eyes start to shut until their lips  _ almost _ brush and Yixing is well aware of what Baekhyun is trying to do and it’s absolutely terrifying. In the morning after the alcohol has emptied their systems Baekhyun would play if off as reminiscing old times or not remember at all.

 

Yet Yixing wants it to happen because maybe,  _ just maybe, _ Baekhyun will remember and say he still wants him. Maybe it’ll give him the confidence that they can work things out. So Yixing waits with anticipation as the seconds tick closer to midnight. When there’s a loud  _ “Happy New Year” _ that sounds throughout the club, Yixing’s heart skips a beat and he waits for something that never comes. Instead of a kiss, both Yixing and Baekhyun get a face full of streamers courtesy of Kyungsoo and Fei.

 

It sobers him completely.

 

In the next seconds, Baekhyun is whining as he clings to Kyungsoo before giggling into his neck. “You ruined part of my night so now you have to dance with me!” Baekhyun shouts before yanking Kyungsoo off to the dance floor despite Kyungsoo’s protests.

 

_ Ruined? _

 

After his friends are lost in the crowd, Yixing stands there unsure of what to do.  _ Go after Baekhyun? Go back to his friends? Think about the almost kiss for an eternity?  _ He doesn’t get to decide for himself as he’s being tugged by Fei in an unknown direction.

 

“What was that?” Fei asks when they stop close to the stairs.

 

Yixing thinks about lying, but knows Fei can always see right through him. Hiding anything has never gone well for him with her, even when he used to be late for work with excuses of sleeping through his alarm when all he did was move a lot slower to get a little extra time in the mornings with Baekhyun. “I don’t know. We were just—I don’t know,” Yixing stutters through his first attempt at explaining, ruffling his hair in frustration that he’s kind of lost of what happened or what it meant. It did kind of catch him off guard and who’s to say Baekhyun would have kissed him. He could have been joking, but if he wasn’t, Yixing knows he would have willingly let it happen. He takes a deep breath before saying, “It felt like we were back to normal and like an in-the-moment kind of thing.” At least that feels close enough to the truth.

 

“You’re supposed to be getting over him," Fei reminds. “I know you still love him and it’s hard, but—”

 

“I know Fei-Fei, I know,” he sighs when he cuts her off. She looks highly unimpressed. “I really am trying,” he says and quickly adds, “I went on another date recently,” to sound more convincing and Fei shakes her head. “Okay, so I’m not trying  _ that _ hard, but it’s a work in progress.” he admits. Baby steps are still steps, he tells himself. “At least today is the first time I’ve seen him in a while.”

 

“And you almost kissed him,” she points out. “What if we weren’t there? I’m sure you would have went home and fucked.”

 

“But we didn’t,” he smiles, ignoring her insinuating they would have stupidly had sex. “I just—let’s go find Kyungsoo and Baekhyun?” he suggests just to change topics. He’s tired of feeling like a child that’s being scolded.

 

Fei rolls her eyes and drags him by the wrist so they can head downstairs. “But no more drinking with Baekhyun alone!” she shouts when they get to the second floor. “Don’t think we didn’t check up on you two!”

 

Yixing sticks out his tongue, but silently agrees. Maybe they did get a little too close for comfort. And the more he thinks, the more he realizes that Baekhyun didn’t mean a single word. If he had, he wouldn’t wait until they were drunk to be honest; he would have done it while sober like he usually does. It was just Baekhyun being overly friendly like he was any other time tonight. No point in convincing himself otherwise.

 

It takes a few minutes and a lot of pushing their way through people to find Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, thankfully together still, on the dancefloor. Kyungsoo looks slightly embarrassed and sways his body stiffly as Baekhyun goofily dances to the hip-hop song that’s playing. Yixing laughs and wishes they weren’t surrounded by a sea of people; it’s going to be hard to enjoy the early minutes of New Year with his friends with so many bodies around. The super loud music doesn’t help. Fei taps them both to alert them of their presence. As soon as Baekhyun notices Yixing, his eyes light up and he clings to him.

 

“Where’d you go?” Baekhyun shouts directly into Yixing’s ear.

 

“You left us and took Kyungsoo with you!” Yixing yells back.

 

Baekhyun pulls away and gives a playful grin. Yixing doesn’t hear Baekhyun’s next words, but he thinks his lips form something similar to  _ ‘let’s dance’ _ and joins Baekhyun who’s already begun to move again. So Yixing does as he thinks he’s told and dances along to the music with Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Fei. He supposes this is a good way to bring in the new year with Baekhyun considering he’s smiling and acting like nothing is wrong between them. And at no point does Baekhyun bring up their almost-kiss from earlier, not even when he has Yixing all to himself and grinds against him.

 

It’s to be expected and it stings that Baekhyun won’t at least acknowledge it, but they’re supposed to be having  _ fun  _ as  _ friends  _ and maybe Yixing will bring it up tomorrow when the both of them are too hungover to talk and less words can be said. So he dances to song after song until his head starts to feel light once more and his vision gets kind of blurry from how tired he feels. Or maybe it’s from the drinks Fei and Baekhyun brought back when they disappeared for some minutes and came back with Song Qian. Either way, there are two Kyungsoos giggling at each other, one Fei dancing with one Song Qian, and no Baekhyun in sight. Yixing blinks a few times to see that there’s a guy that’s dressed similar to Kyungsoo dancing with him and glances around as he dances slowly with Fei and Song Qian to see if he can spot Baekhyun.

 

A few long seconds pass before his vision focuses on a guy that looks eerily similar to Baekhyun, but that can’t be him because Baekhyun wanted them to stick together the entire night and the Baekhyun look-alike is dancing with some stranger and the real Baekhyun wouldn’t ditch them for some other person that at least Yixing didn’t know and he wouldn’t let himself be kissed or groped like that because Yixing is right here and still very much in love and the real Baekhyun wouldn’t hurt him like that.

 

Yes he would.

 

Baekhyun’s been inconsiderate of his feelings since he decided they wouldn’t work romantically.

 

Fuck any progress.

 

Yixing feels like throwing up.

 

And Yixing nearly does, but the sudden jerk of body being dragged away from Fei and Song Qian has him somehow holding everything in when he realizes it’s Kyungsoo who’s cupping his hand and leading him through the crowd. The rapid beating of his heart and how dizzy he feels is ignored as Kyungsoo pushes open the door to the stairwell and takes them inside and guides them until they’re at the very bottom and next to the exit door. Maybe the air helped and it’s a lot quieter in here, Yixing notes, save for the mute honking of cars and faint club music. Quiet enough for his thoughts to—

 

Yixing’s mind draws a blank when Kyungsoo kisses him hard on the lips, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.

 

“Why’d you—” Yixing starts but doesn’t finish when Kyungsoo pulls away, lips still touching.

 

“Don’t think,” Kyungsoo whispers. “Just don’t think.”

 

And he kisses Yixing again and Yixing does his best to focus on how soft Kyungsoo’s lips are and the berry flavor on his tongue. It’s soothing and calming and his heart doesn’t hurt like it did minutes ago yet he can’t not compare Kyungsoo to what kissing Baekhyun would have been like. Would their kiss have been just as sweet? Would Baekhyun have—

 

“Yixing,” Kyungsoo sings, slight intimidation to his voice just with one word and Yixing gulps. Kyungsoo lets go of his shirt and crosses his arms. “Don’t forget that I know you inside and out. I said don’t think.”

 

“I’m not a child,” Yixing mumbles. “I don’t need to be protected like this.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t like seeing you hurt and you don’t need to think about him right now after what you saw. Last time I ever suggest bringing him anywhere with us,” he grumbles, kicking the ground and making Yixing chuckle. “I thought it would be good for you two.”

 

“It was for a while,” Yixing says rather absentmindedly, suddenly wanting to think about Baekhyun a little less. He needs to at least try. “But you—did you really mean that you’d help get my mind off of him?”

 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and suddenly grabs Yixing by his hips. Yixing then throws his arms over his friend’s shoulders. It takes less than a second for Kyungsoo to press his lips against Yixing’s own and it’s nice, just nice, but that’s all it has to be when he’s trying to forget the image of someone else kissing Baekhyun like he used to. Slowly, the thought of Baekhyun in the arms of another man, being  _ touched _ by another man fades when all he has to do is focus on Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo who kisses him sweetly.

 

Kyungsoo who holds him reassuringly.

 

Kyungsoo who is comfort in the way that he wishes Baekhyun could but never will be. Kyungsoo who is making him realize that maybe he was in love with the idea of Baekhyun and all the possibilities that could have been. Because thinking back, he never really knew Baekhyun enough, only how he made him feel whenever he was near. And his friends’ words may have been cruel, but there was truth to them. Baekhyun would never love him like he wanted and if he had even a small amount of love left or at least cared, Yixing wouldn’t be here with Kyungsoo trying to forget.

 

Kyungsoo who makes it  _ easy  _ to forget when he’s pushed roughly against the wall and kissed the same way. Guess he was right in knowing him inside and out. Yixing doesn’t know how much time has passed, but it’s enough to have him completely relaxed in Kyungsoo’s hold. Enough to miss the footsteps descending down. Enough to miss the few weak calls of his name until Kyungsoo breaks their kiss.

 

“Why’d you stop?” Yixing whines and then tries to kiss Kyungsoo again, but all gets is a simple peck. Kyungsoo nods his head towards the stairway and Yixing looks to see Baekhyun, clearly stunned. “Baekhyun I—”

 

“I um, wanted to check on you and—no I just wanted—I was curious about where you went and I’m sorry. I’m going home now,” Baekhyun stutters through, nearly on the verge of tears. He exits the building in a rush, cold air making Yixing shiver.

 

Yixing doesn’t think twice about going after him. How could he not when Baekhyun was clearly shaken up over what he assumes is him kissing Kyungsoo. Baekhyun might not be over him either and maybe this was his wake up call. Maybe he needs to fight for them to be together so Yixing doesn’t think twice about going after Baekhyun, but is stopped by Kyungsoo before he can even get his hand on the door.

 

“Give me one good reason I should let you go,” Kyungsoo bites out, tugging on Yixing’s wrist until he faces him and not the door.

 

“You saw him, Kyungsoo,” Yixing says, voice raised with desperation in each word.  _ I need to leave. _ “I need to make sure he’s okay. He could still want me—”

 

“He’s not yours anymore,” Kyungsoo sighs as he cuts Yixing off. “He’s had plenty of chances to say he wants to make things with you work.  _ Tonight _ would have been a good excuse. He didn’t take that chance while you two were alone doing god knows what, did he? He didn’t have to let me or Fei get in the way of anything,” he points out, making Yixing’s chest hurt. “He could have said something a minute ago. He’s the only one that’s been real adamant about you two not being together.”

 

“But I haven’t done anything either,” he tries to excuse. “What if I go after him now and he finally admits it was a mistake? We could still make things work.”

 

“And what if—”

 

“Hold on,” Yixing says as he feels his phone vibrate. This could be sign; this could be Baekhyun spilling his heart out. He checks to see that it’s really Baekhyun.  _ This could be it. _ He quickly opens katalk to read over the message.  _ Really sorry about interrupting you and Kyungsoo. I knew you said you were seeing other men and seeing it in person was…..something else esp when I know you two are good friends. Anyway, just wanted to say sorry and hope I didn’t ruin the mood or anything. Thanks for inviting me! I’ll see you soon!!!!! _

 

Yixing drops his phone then himself to the ground. “It hurts Kyungsoo,” Yixing gets out weakly as the tears start to fall. Despite how at ease they were talking, despite how comfortable they were touching, despite them almost  _ kissing, _ Baekhyun will still never want him and it’s  _ painful.  _ Nothing with how this night went makes sense and Yixing doesn’t want to think anymore yet his mind won’t stop running with thoughts of Baekhyun. He watches as Kyungsoo picks up his phone and reads over the message. “Why can’t he— _ why? _ ”

 

Kyungsoo places Yixing’s phone in his own pocket before scooping Yixing into his arms and into a hug. “I don’t know,” Kyungsoo softly says and begins to comb his fingers through Yixing’s hair. “And I’m not going to pretend to know to make him look better just to make you feel better.”

 

“Then what are you going to do?” Yixing asks through his sniffles.

 

Kyungsoo leads them both up off the floor and holds Yixing until he calms down. He then wipes away his tears as he suggests, “Let me take you home.”

 

“And do what?” Yixing asks, unsure of where this is headed.

 

“Whatever you want,” he answers and guides them outside to a taxi stop. There’re just a few people ahead of them. Kyungsoo then adds, “I’m going to take you home and we could fuck or I could make you hot cocoa and we can stay under the blankets and watch movies all night. It’s up to you.” Yixing pouts at not knowing what to do; either way sounds like a fantastic idea to get his mind and heart off of stupid Byun Baekhyun. “Let’s go and decide when we get there.”

  
And Yixing nods, knowing it’s best to just  _ let go _ and follows Kyungsoo into the taxi, back home and ready for whatever.


End file.
